How to Make Your Home the Refuge You Deserve

With the world in as much turmoil as it is today, we all need a place we can truly relax.  Yet for many of us, home isn't a very relaxing place.  Instead, it's a place that makes us feel stressed, overburdened, and inadequate.  Why is that?

A peaceful home isn't cluttered.  It's not a place where it feels like our belongings are filling the spaces we need to sit and put our feet up, work at a creative project, entertain guests, or even lie down to sleep.  Visual clutter gets in our way, but so does stuff that's tucked out of sight, filling our closets, cupboards, and even under the bed.

Now, you might think that getting organized is the answer to this problem.  Just figure out how to store and arrange stuff and everything will be fine!  However, if we don't reduce the clutter and remove the items we don't need or even like, organizing won't work.  We could spend a lot of time trying it, but our overloaded storage spaces will always return to a state of chaos.

The good news is that the more unnecessary things we let go of, the less organization is required.

Your silent to-do list

Dawn Madsen, who blogs over at theminimalmom.com, reminds us that "Everything in your home is inventory you have to manage."  The more inventory you have, the more time and effort you put in to cleaning and arranging it.  Not only that, but all of the things lurking behind doors and in drawers have weight.  Every time you think about them, search through them looking for something, or wonder if you could arrange them more efficiently or attractively, you create what author Fumio Sasaki* calls "a silent to-do list."

* Thank you for supporting this blog.  If you make a purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission.

Sasaki says that every single item in your home is sending out a message:

• Dishes and pots stacked in the sink say "Why didn't you wash me right away after dinner last night?  Or at least rinse me off?  Wash me now.  Dry me.  Put me away."

• Laundry on the floor or overflowing a basket says "Why haven't you picked me up?  You need to sort me.  Treat my stains.  Wash me.  Dry me.  Fold me.  Put me away."  Or maybe a piece says "Mend me.  Why are you keeping me if you don't want to do that?"

• Clothes crowding your closet say "Why haven't you worn me?  Why don't I go with anything else?  Why did you buy me when you already have so many other pieces?  When are you going to lose that weight so you can fit into me?"

Notice how many of these messages are negative?  No wonder having too much stuff that we don't need or want feels like such a burden!

10 steps to reduce your burden

When you get rid of all the extra stuff in your home, your to-do list is automatically shorter.  And with a shorter list of chores you have to do, and fewer negative and demanding messages from your stuff, the more you can relax.

In fact, when you remove the unnecessary, it becomes easier to notice the items that aren't sending such off-putting messages.  Think of a healthy plant or a vase of flowers.  A photo of someone you love or a piece of art that makes you happy.  Or even the plates on which you've eaten so many delicious dinners, or the jeans that fit you perfectly and the top that's the perfect color and style for you.

You don't feel any guilt.  You can just enjoy them.  And even if there is some maintenance involved, such as watering the plant, dusting the picture frame, or ironing your top, you're happy to do it.  You enjoy taking care of the things that mean so much to you.

A pile of shoes by the front door and junk mail on the kitchen table – not so enjoyable.

Use this question as an effective filter when you declutter:  "What message is this item sending me?"  And if the message isn't good, maybe it's time to remove the item, even if you spent money on it, even if it was a gift, even if it's something that belonged to Grandma.

Life is too short to be surrounded by stuff that nags at you.  And as you reduce what you own, your invisible to-do list will be reduced as well.

1. Remove the extras and the duplicates.
2. Remove the broken things you plan to fix "someday."
3. Remove things you never seem to get around to using:  gadgets, appliances, hobby supplies, sports equipment, etc.
4. Remove items that are expired:  medications, foods, old magazines, old paperwork, etc.
5. Remove anything that just collects dust.
6. Remove the items you've kept out of guilt because someone gave them to you or you spent a lot of money on them.
7. Remove what you bought just because it was on sale or "such a good deal."
8. Remove the pieces that are no longer your style.
9. Remove the stuff you wouldn't buy today if you saw it in a store.
10. Remove the things that are taunting you.

In the process, you'll reduce stress, anxiety, and the feeling that you can never catch up on what you need to take care of.  Your home will become a more peaceful place to be.

And when the process gets tough, when you feel indecisive, when you lose momentum – remind yourself of how important your peace and comfort are.  You deserve to feel positive about what's in your home, instead of feeling guilty and weighed down.  Home should be a refuge, and you can turn yours into a place that welcomes and comforts you.

Related article:  How Your Home Calms You – Or Stresses You Out

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