The Truth About Downsizing
Downsizing isn't about organizing. It's not even about your stuff. It's about control.
When your house is crammed full of stuff you don't need, don't use, and can barely keep track of – when it's hard to clean, hard to get around, and hard to keep up with everything – what you need is control.
If you don't take control of your house and make it look manageable, acceptable, and safe, then at some point your children will decide they need to do it for you. And then you'll spend the rest of your life in a place that smells like disinfectant, without enough privacy.
What no one tells you about getting older
I'm not quite 66, so I'm not yet "old." But I've seen my parents, my parents-in-law, aunts, uncles, and older friends go through this. Things get harder, yes, but that's not my main point. People start watching and evaluating you, looking for signs that you can no longer cope, that they need to step in and start making your decisions for you.
And everything you keep that you don't need, that you never use any more, that's broken or outdated yet you can't seem to part with it, is evidence. I don't mean it's evidence of your past, or of what you've experienced. It's evidence of your decline.
An 83-year-old woman named Margaret Elaine who posts on YouTube says, "When you hold on to everything, you're not preserving your past. You're giving other people permission to control your future."
How to do it
Don't buy bins so you can start sorting or storing. Don't go online to look for organizing tips.
Instead, start in one room. Any room. The bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen. It doesn't matter. Open a drawer or a cupboard or a closet and pull something out. It could be an old piece of clothing, a book, or part of your grandmother's china set. You may look at it and think "This is still pretty good. Maybe I should keep it. It cost good money. If I throw it away (or give it away), am I getting rid of part of my loved one (or my own past)?"
You're going to have to put a stop to that kind of thinking. Remember what you're trying to do – you're trying to show that you're still in control of things. So take control! Make yourself ask a different question. Not "Does this have some meaning to me?" No. Ask, "Does keeping this make my life better?"
Be honest. If the answer to that question is no, it goes into a donation bag (or a trash bag). It's one more thing crowding your living space. One more thing for your children to point to and say, "See? She can't let go. She can't take care of this house." Don't give them a reason to say that.
Maybe you'll get rid of a sewing machine you kept because you thought you'd take up sewing again. Maybe you'll get rid of clothes you thought you'd lose weight and fit into again. Maybe you'll give up duplicate kitchen utensils and small appliances and serving pieces and even some extra chairs and side tables.
This process will get easier as you go along, because you're going to realize that the "someday" you've been waiting for isn't going to come. You'll realize that your memories of a person you loved aren't in any of their things, but in your heart and mind where they can't be taken away.
The result
Get ready for a change. Once you remove all the tools you never use anymore, the Hummel figurines you're tired of dusting and never look at anymore, and the piles of extra sheets and blankets you kept simply because they belonged to you, you're going to start seeing a lot of space. Space that's easier to clean. Space that lets you move around with ease. Space on your kitchen counters that lets you cook without having to move things out of the way.
You're going to feel lighter, and not just because it's so much easier to maneuver in your house. You'll feel lighter mentally, because you probably haven't realized how much energy you're currently spending every day just looking at all the clutter, managing it, cleaning around it, feeling guilty about it, and worrying about what's going to happen to all of it someday.
You're going to look around at what's left and recognize them as the things that are just right for you today. Not the stuff you were interested in 10 or 20 years ago, or the stuff you accumulated because it was stylish or popular, or the stuff that someone else picked out and gave to you.
What's left is the stuff you use and like, and your home no longer looks like a forlorn jumble sale. It looks like you – your comfortable place.
There's one more thing that's most important. You might not realize it yourself, but one of your kids or a friend is going to visit and notice how your place looks. "Hey, did you get some help decluttering?" they might ask. And you can honestly answer "No, I did it myself."
The house looks calm, tidy, manageable. And you've proven something, not just to your child or your friend, but to yourself. You can still take care of your home, still make decisions, still make plans and follow through with them. You're still capable. You're still in control.
Whether you actually move from your current home into a smaller living space, or simply undertake a radical declutter, it's a challenge. But it's also a chance to reinvent yourself and carry just the essentials into your new life. By releasing decades'-worth of accumulated items, you can emerge with more energy and freedom. You're ready to look ahead, not back.
Downsizing can be hard, or it can be easier. My book, Downsize Now,* will give you the tools and inspiration to get the job done so you can start enjoying all the benefits.
* Thank you for supporting this blog. If you make a purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra charge to you.
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