Maximum Gratitude, Minimal Stuff

Everyone's life is made up of repetitive events that seem unremarkable.   Driving to work, starting a load of laundry, sorting the mail, making dinner, brushing teeth.  These types of moments make the majority of life, but they're so routine that we don't think about them, and we don't bother to remember them or relate their details to anyone else.  They're too boring for that. Unfortunately, by letting all of these daily events remain mundane, we miss the vast majority of our time here on earth.  Instead, we give our attention to a few more-exciting events of the past, or to imagined future occasions.  We learn the habit of ignoring where we are and what we're doing in favor of thinking about what we need to do at work while we're in the shower, thinking about the weekend while we're at work, and thinking about what will happen next week when it's still Saturday afternoon. It might be September, but we're thinking about Halloween, or our Christm...

We live in the 21st century.  I know that.  We can't completely ignore technology, and most of us can't (or don't want to) move to a commune in the woods.  Anyway, a lot of our modern machines are helpful.  So we need a hybrid approach.  We need to participate, but we also need to contemplate.  We need to acknowledge our interdependence, but we also need to think independently. We need to train ourselves to regain the attention we've lost to computers, smart phones, and 24/7 media of all kinds. We need distance and time to be functional enough to do or think anything meaningful at all. Jenny Odell Disconnect to connect How many of you reach for your phone first thing in the morning?  Studies show that a whopping 84% of us do .  Just 20 years ago, that would have been unthinkable. Our eight-hour workday was originally created with this idea in mind:  "Eight hours for work, eight hours for rest, eight hours for what you will."  Yet economi...

What would happen if we could slow down and focus?  What i f we could invest ourselves 100%? In the (fantastic) movie Green Book ,* Viggo Mortensen's character Tony "Lip" Vallelonga shares this advice: My father used to say, "Whatever you do, do it a hundred percent.  When you work, work.  When you laugh, laugh.  When you eat, eat like it's your last meal." But for most of us, that would be a different way to operate.  We're so used to multi-tasking and splitting our attention numerous ways.  Even when we think we're concentrating, we may still have music or the TV in the background, we may be distracted by phone calls and email notifications, or we may be giving ourselves a "break" every ten or fifteen minutes to check social media or eat a snack.  We're always rushing ahead to the next thing, and we rarely give ourselves completely to any task. What might happen if we did? * This blog is reader-supported.  If you buy through my links,...

Have you heard the term "beauty culture"?  According to encyclopedia.com , it's the system of beliefs and practices that dictate a society's standards of attractiveness.  It influences how we perceive and pursue beauty, whether through cosmetics, fashion, grooming services, diets, gym memberships, surgery, or something else. In our society, beauty culture is influenced by all forms of media, and it's big business.  Huge business , in fact.  The cosmetic industry, the fashion industry, the diet industry, the pharmaceutical industry, and so many more industries benefit from our beliefs that beauty exists only in narrow parameters beauty is essential for finding love and happiness the pursuit of beauty is worth any amount of money, time, effort, and attention "beauty rituals" equal positive self-care What beauty culture says about us Beauty standards are often an expression of prejudice.  But honestly, determining someone's value by how they look is som...

You know, the hardest part of losing weight isn't choosing what to eat.  I mean, we all know that we should avoid a lot of fried foods and greasy snacks, that eating a lot of candy and baked goods isn't doing us any favors, and that it's important to include plenty of vegetables and fruits for optimal health. There's really no mystery to what we should be eating.  And there's no question that either stuffing ourselves or relying on a cup of coffee and half a piece of toast to replace a full, balanced meal is a bad idea. No, the real challenge may be changing how and why we eat.  Many of us don't rely on hunger cues very much (or at all).  Instead, we eat because we're bored, lonely, sad, irritated, or anxious.  And we don't always think while we eat.  We're distracted or in a hurry. All of this leads to mindless eating.  We operate on auto pilot and don't pay attention to how we feel – physically or emotionally. That's where mindfulness co...

I need to start by saying that I'm not unhappy.  I've been blessed with so many advantages and good circumstances, from birth onward. And it's easy, in a life like mine, with its mix of ups and downs, joys and worries – but nothing too mournful or extreme – to coast along, thinking it will always be that way. Last year, one of my aunts and my last three uncles passed away.  None of their ends was unexpected (they were all in their 80's and 90's).  What was unexpected was my 30-year-old nephew's cancer diagnosis earlier this year and my younger sister's major surgery and cancer scare just a couple of months later. I had pneumonia this February, emergency abdominal surgery in early March, and pneumonia again in May.  Our medical insurance has made a fuss about paying the hospital bill, and the IRS decided to audit our tax return. It's been a season of changes and challenges. Stay tuned in. I mention all of this because most of us are so used to being busy ...

When my husband and I go for a weekend trip to the Sonoma coast in Northern California, I'm always amazed by how fast a lot of people are driving on Highway 1.  Highway 1 is not meant to be a fast drive.  It's narrow, it's hilly, it winds, and the views are consistently spectacular.  It's a road to savor – not necessarily puttering, but certainly not racing , showing off your car's cornering and suspension or your own stunt driving skills. But my opinion may be in the minority. How do you ignore such rare beauty in favor of covering the miles as fast as possible?  Maybe these are residents of the area – so used to the marvelous vistas they no longer pay attention.  It doesn't seem possible to me.  If I lived there, I'd want to drink in that loveliness every day.  I wouldn't want to lose the magic. Noticing, and not noticing But don't we all get used to what we see every day?  Think about the last time you drove to work or the supermarket.  Di...

I think it's a positive choice to remember our mortality.  It may not be something we think about every day, but it shouldn't be something we ignore completely.  It's not only an inevitable part of life, it's part of what gives life meaning.  As Brad Pitt (as Achilles) says in the movie Troy ,* The gods envy us.  They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last.  Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. I'm getting ready to celebrate a birthday, and this is a question I want to contemplate.  It seems particularly apropos since I had emergency surgery in February, and have had pneumonia twice.  This has not been a healthy year for me. It's easy to forget the value of even one day , especially in a world that's always in a hurry and full of distractions.  But we could decide to approach each day as the gift it is, with the realization that none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.  What if I knew this year was my last?...

We cannot all do great things.  But we can do small things with great love. St. Teresa of Calcutta My husband and I went out for brunch a few Sundays ago, and our young server greeted me with a big smile.  "Oh hi!  I haven't seen you in so long.  Sarah [another server] said you had surgery a couple months ago.  I hope you're doing okay now." Sarah had heard I was recovering from surgery when my husband Jon went in to pick up a to-go order about a month previous.  This server had heard and remembered the information. Such a small courtesy, with such a big and joyful impact on me.  Small is beautiful. In a world that continually pushes us to strive for more, it's easy to overlook the little things that can make a big difference to our happiness and well-being.  From a server's welcome greeting to a cool breeze after a hot day, small things can bring us peace and joy. But as we rush to complete our to-do lists and accomplish our big goals, small thin...