Non-Conform

Photo by Rupert Britton on Unsplash

As a teenager, I often argued with my mother, usually ending with a comment like, "You just don't get me, Mom.  I have to be myself!"  Which is funny in retrospect, because I was always desperately trying to conform to what my peers were doing.

Even as adults, we continue to try to fit in.  Look at a typical group of friends, and you'll often see similar hair styles and colors, similar clothes, similar manicures, similar phone cases, even similar gestures and vocal inflections.

Memories, Not Mementos

Does that box of souvenirs really have sentimental value, or are you just caught in inertia or guilt?

When we have boxes full of stuff we never actually look at, it seems silly to claim we keep those things because of the wonderful memories they evoke.  If that's the case, why aren't all of those things on display in our homes?  Perhaps we need to consider whether the items truly mean as much as we think they do.

Love Limits

Photo by Marivi Pazos on Unsplash

His hair is sweaty and his face looks hot, but he doesn't slow down.

Up, across, down, run back, up, across, and down again.  The sweat slips down his cheek, but his eyes are alight with eagerness and fun.

He's my three-year-old grandson, and if I didn't call him over for a sip of lemonade now and again, he'd climb and slide and run around the play structure until he dropped from exhaustion.  He has no idea of limits.

Kindness

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash

Doing good makes you feel good.

Studies show that when we are kind to others we become happier, but self-indulgence doesn't increase our feelings of well-being.  Researchers found that the more generous and helpful people were, the more purposeful their lives felt.  Knowing they were useful and needed made them happy.

This finding demonstrates the opposite of what advertisers want us to believe.  As long as your basic needs are met, acquiring more won't make you happier.  Your life won't improve if you buy the next hot item or luxury upgrade.  But removing the excess and the busyness so you can pursue your life purpose has major benefits, for you and for others.

Journal Your Gratitude

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I can stand in the middle of certain stores and pick up plenty of items that might "spark joy."  I'll bet you can too.  But there's a ripple effect to retail therapy.  When I look for joy in belongings, I always need the thrill of something new.  Contentment is short-lived, because the next acquisition beckons.  Then I need more space to store stuff, more time to take care of stuff, and more stuff to keep me interested once I've tired of the "old stuff."

If you've ever turned to shopping as a source of comfort and pleasure, I'd like to suggest a powerful replacement.

Identity -- It's Not What You Own

We all need love, acceptance, community, and a sense of accomplishment.  These factors contribute to our mental health and self esteem.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Psychologists such as Abraham Maslow have demonstrated that once our basic physical needs are met, we embark on a path to self-improvement.  Whether that leads us to seek out new experiences, new skills, new possessions, or a new look, we always want something more and different.

Habits That Keep Life Simple

Photo by Jarek Ceborski on Unsplash

We're real people.  We work, we socialize, we have hobbies and husbands and kids.  Stuff enters our homes every day, and if we don't change the way we deal with it, clutter will reappear.  So part of the minimalist lifestyle includes learning new habits that keep stuff from once again overwhelming our lives.

Here are four habits that will prevent the reappearance of clutter.  Use them as minimalist mantras!

Give Gifts That Matter

Photo by Val Vesa on Unsplash

I used to use gift-giving as an excuse to shop.

I would feel the urge to buy something, anything really, just because it's "fun" to buy.  (Oh yes, I understand the idea of a shopping addiction, that little rush of pleasure when you acquire something new.)

Financial Freedom

Courtesy of Comstock/Getty Images

Here it is -- the most important financial advice you'll ever receive.

Spend less than you earn.

If you cut back on spending, you'll be able to pay off debt, build an emergency fund, give more generously, and start saving for college or retirement or a trip to Europe.  Spending less will reduce your stress levels and improve your sleep.  It might even improve your marriage.

Embrace Empty Space

Many people think they can't be minimalists because they don't want to live in an all-white room with a chair, a lamp, and a mattress on the floor, or with only enough possessions to fill a backpack.

You know what?  The majority of aspiring minimalists don't choose that lifestyle.  I live with my husband in a small apartment, but we have a couch and a coffee table and bookshelves and a queen-size bed and a dresser and a dining table with several chairs.  My kitchen has a dishwasher and a microwave.  I have art on my walls, houseplants, and hobby supplies.

But I also have something I didn't have when my home was more cluttered, and that's empty space.

Do Less

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

A lot of people think of "minimalism" as a huge white room with a white couch, a glass table, and some modern art.

And while that is one minimalist design aesthetic, and minimalists do talk a lot about decluttering, it would be a mistake to think that purging physical items (along with all color and personality) from your home is the ultimate goal.

Decluttering is a valuable tool that brings many benefits, but minimalism is a complete lifestyle that impacts much more than your physical space.

Clear the Clutter

Photo courtesy of Magnolia Home

Imagine your dream home.

Open the front door, step inside, and look around.  What do you see?

You probably don't see stacks of movies on the coffee table or toys scattered over the floor.  You don't see a kitchen counter too crowded for meal prep, or a dining table so cluttered that no one can eat there.  You don't see piles of mail, laundry, dirty dishes, unfinished repairs, or things that need to be cleared away before you can sit down.

You see the beautiful home you'd love to have.

Buy Less

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Want to reduce clutter permanently?  Stop buying so much.

Well, duh.

We all know that, right?  So why is it so hard to do?

Attention

Photo by David Mao on Unsplash

Mindlessness wastes your life with busyness and distraction.  Find gratitude, purpose, and joy with this Twelve Step Program to increase attention:

The ABCs of Minimalism

Photo by element5 Digital on Unsplash

In our stressful world, full of messages that tell us more is always better and that we can buy our way to happiness, our true needs are often ignored, buried under a pile of excess things and relentless busyness.  Minimalism can reduce the background noise of clutter in your home and schedule so you can gain clarity about what really matters to you.

52 Ways to Clear Clutter in Five Minutes

Photo by Marcelo Leal on Unsplash

Think you have no time to declutter?  Do you have five minutes?

Five minutes is a commercial break.  You can scramble eggs in five minutes.  Forget those cat videos -- you have five minutes!

11 Decluttering Jump Starts

Photo by Lubomirkin on Unsplash

When you're ready to launch into decluttering, but don't know where to start, try one of these ideas.

5 Things To Do When You Get Stuck Decluttering

Photo by Aubrey Rose Odom on Unsplash

1.  Don't give up just because you're low on motivation.

So you ran out of steam.  Lots of things are like that -- writing this blog can be like that.  Sometimes I write for hours and lose track of time.  Sometimes I'm tweaking three or four posts at a time for future publication.  Other times I'm stuck for ideas, or nothing I write seems valuable.

Simple Food

Photo by Johnny Martinez on Unsplash

The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.                                                                                           

Ann Wigmore

A friend sent me a chicken soup recipe that calls for 16 ingredients.  Sixteen.  Including ditalini pasta, whatever that is.  (Okay, I Googled it.  It's the pasta I've seen in macaroni salads.)

A Simplified Kitchen

Does the kitchen you've created support the healthy body you want to have?

Photo by Dinh Ng on Unsplash

Small daily choices lead to a cluttered or an uncluttered home, just as they lead to a thriving, active body or its opposite.  It's hard to change, but we really can choose freedom and vitality!

Since better eating habits are hampered by a cluttered kitchen, let's start there.

Does This Clutter Make Me Fat?

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

If your house is out of control, it's possible your eating habits are too.

Clutter guru Peter Walsh wrote Lose the Clutter, Lose the Weight because so many of his clients struggled with obesity.  "What you weigh isn't just about calorie counting or doing stomach crunches," he writes.  "What you weigh is about how you live."

We All Want the Same Thing

"Kathryn Blowing Bubbles"

by April Moore-Harris on Flickr

I spend a fair amount of time on this blog pointing out differences between minimalists and the majority of people in our consumerist society.  Sometimes the easiest way to understand something new is to contrast it with something familiar.

But minimalists and materialists have a lot in common.  We're generally seeking the same things:

Happiness.  Fulfillment.  Freedom.  A good life.

It's just that our philosophies and methods for getting there are different.

Una Bella Vita *

Does the home you've created support the life you want to live?

"Tuscany" photo by Ky0n Cheng on Flickr

Tell me where you would rather be.  At the beach?  In a ski cabin near Lake Tahoe?  In Paris?

House Beautiful

Does the home you've created support the life you want to live?

Photo by Jorge Garcia on Unsplash

You don't need to add on a master suite or put in a swimming pool to make your home more supportive of the lifestyle you want.  Instead, figure out what bothers you, and use your creativity to improve it.

Home Improvement

Photo by Pablo Merchan Montes on Unsplash

Does the home you've created support the life you want to live?

You don't need to remodel the bathroom, install granite countertops, or buy new furniture.  Instead, figure out which details have the most impact on your daily life, and approach them like a minimalist.

Re-Decluttering

Our rooms shape our thoughts... our moods.  By improving the state of our surroundings, we can improve our state of mind....  It's clear that for most people, outer order does indeed contribute to inner calm.

Gretchen Rubin 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

A Real Home Makeover

photo courtesy of Magnolia Home

Imagine your dream home.

Walk up to the front door.  Open it, step inside, and look around.  What do you see?

Maybe you picture one of those HGTV makeovers.  The "after" reveals are beautiful, but notice what's missing:  no piles of magazines on the coffee table, no unfinished quilting projects taking over the guest room since last November, no unmade beds, no toys scattered dangerously over the floor.  The refrigerator door is clear of magnets and the dining table is set for a beautiful meal, not covered with a backpack, keys, sunglasses, a jar of peanut butter, cat toys, and the TV remote.

40 Proven Stress Busters

For many of us, the end of the school year equals the beginning of summer vacation.  Even if you don't have kids or grandkids, the longer hours of daylight mean that you have more leisurely evenings to spend with friends, go to a barbecue or picnic, attend an outdoor concert, or enjoy a long after-dinner walk.

Photo by Hello I'm Nik on Unsplash

Yet on a day-to-day basis, we still have work and errands and other responsibilities, and the stresses of those things can still get us down.

Relaxation and stress relief are what we hope to gain from leisure, and the following ideas can also be helpful.  And since minimalism is about making space and time for what is necessary and valuable, and removing what isn't, it too is a proven antidote to a stressful life.

Lighten Your Load

I'm very pleased to feature this guest post by my husband Jon.

John Muir Trail

by Chris LeBlanc for Austin American-Statesman

Keep Free Time Free

Photo by Kris Atomic on Unsplash

My friend makes amazing costumes for a small theater troupe in Chicago.  It's a non-profit, church-based group, and she donates her time and skills.  She's incredibly talented, and finds the most exquisite fabrics and trims at clearance prices.  I've seen photos of the finished creations, and having worn many costumes for plays and operas, I can see that the ones she makes are of better-than-average quality.

I once suggested that she should have an Etsy shop geared toward cosplayers.  My son and daughter both enjoy cosplay, and usually make their own costumes, which are good but not as detailed and professional as what my friend produces.  My friend could definitely make some money with her work.

She's justifiably proud of her creations, and loves doing the work, but when I suggested an Etsy shop, all the light went out of her expression.  She apologized and said, "Yeah, everyone keeps telling me I should do that, but it would mean a lot more time, and I don't think I could make it work."  I recognized the look of a woman burdened by people's expectations of her.

6 Reasons to Make Something This Summer

Photo by Nadya Spetnitskaya on Unsplash

Mass production makes everything transitional and disposable, but the handmade object is personal.  It takes times to craft, which gives it a permanence that factory-made objects do not have....  The handmade object, created with care and detail, embodying a history and tradition, is enormously powerful.                                                                                 

          Eric Gorges
          A Craftsman's Legacy: Why Working With Our Hands Gives Us Meaning



When we only buy mass-produced items, or only buy with a click on the internet, we become merely passive consumers.  We're removed from the process of how things are made, how they work, the people who make them, and the raw materials and energy that go into their production.

We're distant from all of these things and people, and in a sense from the real world.

We may not realize it, but we're surrounded by the hard work and innovation of people who came before us.  The chair and desk at which you sit, the lightbulb in your lamp, the glass in your window, the book on  your shelf, your pen, your eyeglasses, the qwerty keyboard on your computer.  The coffee in your cup, and the cup itself.  You're surrounded by history.

Summer Reading

It's time to plan summer reading!  Beach reads.  Or maybe for you they're porch reads, or (my favorite) charming-little-café reads.  Wherever you love to curl up with a good book when it's blazing hot (or if you live in the southern hemisphere, cold and stormy) outside.

My Favorite Way to Travel

You can travel like the Crawleys from Downton Abbey** with piles of leather trunks, suitcases, hat boxes, and your maid to hold your jewelry box.  You can travel first class, with no expense spared.  You can let yourself be pampered and waited upon, and that may, perhaps, add immeasurably to your experience.

photo by Jack Anstey on Unsplash

Or you can travel light, with a backpack or a carryon, prepared to experience your destination as authentically as possible.  As you walk the streets, or ride on public transport, you can interact with real people not as someone they should be ready to serve, but as someone they can simply be friendly with.

You can be weighed down, or you can enjoy the agility of minimalism.

I love the minimal completeness of packing for travel.  You have to consider carefully which clothes you'll need, which toiletries and accessories.  You might bring a book or a journal; you'll surely bring your phone.  You have only what you've chosen to take with you.  It's the ultimate in decluttering.

The No Money Weekend -- Part 3

Photo by Gary Sandoz on Unsplash

The No Money Weekend is a challenge suggested by Trent Hamm of thesimpledollar.com.  Today I'm posting a final 20 ideas for this challenge.  By this time you've probably thought of your own no-cost ideas, so please share them in the comments below.

The No Money Weekend -- Continued

Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash

The No Money Weekend is a challenge suggested by Trent Hamm at thesimpledollar.com.  Spend no money at all:  use food from your pantry, items you already own, free events and services, the company of other people, and your own ingenuity.

Today I'm posting another 20 ideas for this challenge.  Not all of these activities will be interesting or available to you, but I hope that some of them will inspire you.

The No Money Weekend "Family Edition"

It's the time of year when families are anticipating the summer break with no school and long, hot hours of free time.

Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash

We all know that a vacation can be very expensive, but perhaps you've saved and have a plan to pay for that special trip.  However, weekend activities are often not so carefully planned, even though it's possible to spend several hundred dollars in a couple of days.  Families eat out more on the weekend than during the week.  Add a visit to the movie theater, amusement park, or the mall, and weekend spending goes even higher.

Second Generation Minimalism

An anonymous reader had several questions after reading an earlier post about toys:

… I have two rather small children myself and my story resembles yours in so many ways....  How [do] your kids feel about this change today?  Do they remember?  Do they hold any grudge against you for introducing them to minimalism or are they thankful?  Are they minimalist themselves today?

I left a quick reply to this reader from Norway:

My kids are not minimalists themselves, but their homes are clean and tidy (though I find them crowded).  They do remember, and they've never expressed any grudges about having fewer toys.  I think I became better at choosing toys they really wanted, rather than buying stuff that caught my eye that they didn't really care about.  They had fewer things, but more cherished things....

Since then, I've continued to think about these questions.  Thank you, friend, for your thoughtful inquiries!

I needed to remind myself that minimalism is not a one-size-fits all concept.  It looks different for everyone.

The Family Read-Aloud

When our children were 9 and 12, we embarked on a very ambitious read-aloud project.  My husband and I had been fans of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings since we each read the epic in our teens.  In anticipation of the release of Peter Jackson's film, The Fellowship of the Ring, we wanted to reread the entire work, and also give our kids the chance to experience the novel as Tolkien created it, before their imaginations were influenced by the film interpretation.  Thus we committed to spend approximately one hour each evening, all through the summer and fall of 2001, reading aloud that massive and beautiful saga.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I did the bulk of the performance, since I am the more dramatic reader and can do "voices."  And it was a performance - a demanding test of my fluency, expressiveness, and stamina.  My husband kept me supplied with soothing Earl Grey tea, and our family quickly became immersed in the tale of Frodo and his companions.  The kids clamored for more every night, and this became the high point of our family life at that time.  Our kids even taught themselves the runes that Tolkien had created, and would write notes to each other in that script.  When the movie premiered in December, they were legitimate Tolkien fans.

If we had not read to them from birth onward, we could never have attempted or finished this journey together.

The Joy of Cooking?

Photo courtesy of cravinghomecooked.com

With childhood obesity on the rise, modern-day food gurus encourage home cooking.  Michael Pollan, author of Food Rules: An Eater's Manual, and New York Times food columnist Mark Bittman both urge parents to cook from scratch with fresh ingredients.  Magazines such as Good Housekeeping and television personalities like Rachael Ray offer practical cooking advice, publishing recipes for slow cooker meals and 30 minute meals.  Michelle Obama emphasizes the role that mothers play in helping children make healthy choices.

The message is that good parents, particularly good mothers, cook for their families.

7 Secrets of a Clutter-Free Family Home

My husband and I live in an 800 square foot (about 74 square meter) apartment.  When people come over, they always remark that it is so clean.  I actually think they mean tidy and clutter-free.  But having things put away makes it seem clean.  Honestly, if you stopped by my house unannounced, most of the time I could invite you in and not be at all embarrassed.  That is liberating.

"Eli's Room" courtesy of Farmhouse 5540

When our children were young, we lived in a house that was about 1200 square feet (about 111 square meters).  Compared to the average American home, that is small, but my house was usually fairly tidy then too.  Even if the kids were in the middle of playing one of their epic pretend games, with dolls, stuffed animals, play dishes, dress-up clothes, Lego creations, and lots of homemade props, we could make the house "company ready" in a pretty short time.

Does that sound like an impossible dream?

11 Simple Needs of the Minimalist Baby

Photo courtesy of Steve H.

A young couple I know went into debt preparing a designer nursery for their first child.  At a baby shower for this young mama-to-be, gifts included dozens of cute and complicated newborn-size outfits, miniature patent leather shoes, two baby monitors, a white noise machine, a light-up musical mobile, and an elegant pram-style stroller that was very heavy to lift and probably too large to fit into the trunk of a car.

Family and friends were eager to welcome the new baby, and wanted to show their love by giving gifts.  But the cute gadgets and clothes, though fun to shop for and to give, weren't really going to meet the baby's needs.  Expensive clutter had been given in place of useful necessities, which would still need to be purchased.

Giving birth and caring for a newborn are wonderful but stressful activities.  Why add debt and clutter to sleep deprivation and first-time-parent anxiety?

The Busy Child

Just as more and more adults today are proudly wearing the badge "BUSY," so too are more and more children.  Too busy to stop, to engage with others, to listen, to observe, to pay attention, to reflect, to imagine, to properly rest.

Photo by Wayne Lee-Sing on Unsplash

The conventional wisdom is that we must multi-task, we must be on the go, we must push to have a valuable life.  We teach our children that they must do the same: reach for the proverbial stars, or be doomed to a second-rate existence.  We use social media to advertise our successes, making sure our activities, achievements, vacations, and celebrations will be envy-worthy.  What a false and dangerous pursuit.  As a result we are all anxious, acquisitive, insecure, and unsatisfied.

The Joy of Creative Deprivation

"Lazy Morning (275/366)" by Tim Sackton on Flickr

One of the big traps of lifestyle inflation is what blogger Trent Hamm calls the "repeated splurge".

Let's say there's a particular treat you enjoy.  Maybe you like buying books.  Maybe you like going to the coffee shop.  Maybe you like going to the movies, or eating out.  Whatever it is, when your income is low, you can't do it very often.  It's a splurge and so you look forward to it.  It feels special.

When your income goes up, it's very tempting to indulge in that treat more often.  The problem is that as soon as a splurge becomes a regular event, it stops being special and becomes completely ordinary.  You adapt.  Something you used to think was a great treat is now just an everyday routine… except now the everyday routine is far more expensive than it used to be.  You're not any happier, you're just spending a lot more and you no longer savor something that used to be a treat.

The 20 Toy Rule

Minimalism is not just for nomadic bachelors and downsizing seniors.  It's for everyone, including families with children.  Dealing with issues of clutter, debt, competition, dissatisfaction, busyness, and stress, while discovering true value, peace, gratitude, mindfulness, community, and abundance benefits everyone.  So in honor of Mother's Day (Sunday May 12th in the U.S.), I'm going to devote several posts to issues involving minimalism and parenting.

ds302 "Trail of Tears" by Sharon Drummond on Flickr

In 1995, I was a typical American mom.  My kids got toys on their birthdays, on their half-birthdays, at Christmas, on Valentine's Day, in their Easter baskets, on the first day of summer.  I didn't think I was spoiling them, since we knew several families whose kids got a toy every time they went to McDonald's or Target.  The fact that my kids' toys covered the floors of their bedrooms and half the living room as well seemed a normal part of family life.  And me yelling at them to put their toys away?  That was a normal part of life too.

Don't Drown in Paper

Decades ago, everyone talked about a "paperless future."  Now we have many digital options, yet paper still flows ceaselessly into our lives.  It enters our homes daily in the mail, inside packages, from school, as business cards and takeout menus, concert fliers and free community newspapers.

If you don't deal with it, you'll drown in it.

"Drowning Under a Mountain of Paper" by allispossible.org.uk on Flickr

25 Ways to Waste Less

Don't you hate to walk through a park, or even a parking lot, or drive along the highway and see the garbage that people have tossed from their cars?  Is there anything uglier?

Well, actually, yes there is:

"Plastic Ocean" by Kevin Krejci on Flickr

Go Green With Minimalism

Happy Earth Day.

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Reduce, reuse, recycle.  It's the mantra of eco-conscious people everywhere.

Great idea, except that most of us approach the concept backwards.

7 Steps to a Simple Easter

Courtesy of Bobby Haven, Brunswick (GA) News

People don't spend as much for Easter as they do for Christmas/Hanukkah, Valentine's Day, or even Halloween, but it is still definitely seen by retailers as a time to push candy, flowers, stuffed animals, spring fashions, and spring décor (especially tableware).  Wallethub.com estimated that $18.2 billion would be spent on Easter in the United States in 2018.

Like Christmas, Easter is supposed to be a religious observance, but in America our faith often seems to be placed in money and possessions, rather than in God.  We are devout consumers.  Many of the 71% of Americans who identify themselves as Christians will give more thought to new church clothes, Easter table centerpieces, and full Easter baskets (even if they include a chocolate cross) than they do to the reason for the celebration.

3 Signs You Should Stop Decluttering

We're human beings.  That means we're capable of doing anything to an extreme.

Photo courtesy of Tatiana Lapina on Unsplash

Want to be healthier?  Never eat bread or pasta or rice or potatoes again, let alone pancakes or cookies.  Alternatively, eat 100% sprouted whole grain pasta and bread, along with brown rice, yams, quinoa, and lots of beans, but don't touch beef, pork, lamb, poultry, venison, or seafood ever again.  Even eggs and cottage cheese should be considered suspect!

This isn't a comment on what anyone chooses to eat, whether for health, religious, or ethical reasons.  There can be good reasons for removing or consuming any number of foods.  I'm just trying to make the point that we're pretty good at taking extreme positions on just about anything.

And that includes decluttering.  There are hoarders, and there are people who can fit everything they own into a backpack.  I imagine most of us belong somewhere between those two extremes.

Clean As You Go

"Spring Cleaning" by Nosha 

(https://www.flickr.com/photos/nosha/3360044232/in/photostream/)

Want to keep your house neat and clean in a simple, stress-free way?

Just clean as you go.