5 Tips to Help You Love Your Home Again
I've lived in my current home for 13 years. It's an apartment, so even though it's well-maintained, I can't upgrade or redesign anything – that's up to the owners. (Of course, they also bear the cost!) Last year, they redid some of the landscaping. Over the years, we've had a new washer, dryer, and dishwasher when they were needed. They also replaced our kitchen flooring. It's not bad, but it's also not what I would have chosen.
It would be easy to look around and be bored with my space. I go through periods of time when I get frustrated with beige carpet and creamy white walls. I'd love to have a slightly bigger patio. (Ours is tiny.) I'd really like to upgrade the pedestal sink in the bathroom and change the fluorescent light fixture and countertops in the kitchen.
Are you in that situation? Do you wish for a bigger or fancier home? Are you longing for the day when you can buy your own? Are you sick and tired of the kitchen tile, wishing every day for an upgrade?
If so, you might need to learn how to love your home, or how to love your home again.
Why should you learn to love your home?
If you've ever watched Home and Garden Television or perused shelter magazines and websites, you know they're all about upgrading and perfecting your home. It's not enough to have adequate shelter from the weather or a safe place to eat and sleep. No – it's all about the latest styles and colors, the most popular amenities, and the cleverest hacks. No sooner is one amazing redo unveiled than it's time to move on to the next. Nothing is ever finished, because there's always something new to buy.
Those shows and magazines do a fantastic job at what they're designed for, which is to make you discontented with everything you own.
In reality, it's not necessary to have a perfect home, and we know it. (Don't we?) But I do think it's necessary to love your home. Why?
- Our well-being depends on having a safe, nurturing place to be. Our environment has a lot to do with our personal happiness, and the home environment is where we have the most control.
- Contentment is one of the most important components of happiness. There's nothing worse for your peace of mind than being in a continual state of dissatisfaction. It breeds comparisons, jealousy, greed, and a bunch of other not-so-great attitudes.
You may not be able to afford or relocate to a bigger, fancier, more trendy home, but you need to learn to appreciate what you have. It's essential to your welfare.
How to do it
So how do you love your home if it's small or old? How do you love it again if you're sick and tired of it? I know what it's like to try to resist those feelings, and I've learned to make small changes that help me love my home again.
The best part is that I'm not talking about remodeling. I'm not talking about tearing out your kitchen cabinets and putting up new ones, or adding a sun room or swimming pool. You can make the changes I'm talking about without hiring a contractor or taking a second mortgage.
1. Declutter.
If you feel like your home is too small, maybe you have too much in it. So get rid of the clutter.
This doesn't have to be overwhelming. Start in any room and get rid of trash, like expired products, lonely socks, frayed or stained towels, and unneeded papers (junk mail, old magazines, packaging, and the like). Next, remove things you no longer use which can be donated. Then go through the room one more time and see if you can let go of anything else, such as a piece of furniture you don't need now that you've removed what used to be in and on it. Be sure that everything you're keeping has a place to belong, and put it there.
You don't have to do this in one day or even in one week. Work for a few minutes at a time until you're done.
Once you've decluttered, your home will be magically larger. It works every time! Less stuff equals more space.
2. Swap your stuff.
This costs you nothing but a bit of time, but it's a surefire way to love your home again. You could rearrange your furniture, but in a small home there may be only one possible location for your couch or bed. In that case, move portable items like toss pillows, lamps, knickknacks, and wall art. You might swap your bedroom chair with one in the living room, or living room end tables for the ones beside your bed.
Swapping works because it helps you see all of your old belongings with new eyes. They're in different places and arrangements, and you notice and appreciate them in their changed surroundings. That photo on your dresser that you barely saw any more now has a prominent spot on top of the piano, and it seems fresh and important once again.
I don't recommend buying new décor every month or even every season, but you can certainly make the occasional change. Try using different zip-on covers for your toss pillows, or replace your floral cotton sheets with cozy plaid flannel when the weather cools. A pretty bowl on the kitchen table could hold juicy grapes and peaches in summer, and crisp apples or mini pumpkins in autumn. As hot weather wanes, I replace blue and white ceramic candleholders and bud vases with brass candlesticks and trinket bowls.*
Even in a rented space, it's possible to make bigger changes by covering a builder-white wall with fabric and liquid starch (it literally peels off with no damage when you want a change or are ready to move) or camouflaging an old floor with a large area rug.
Don't let boredom make you resent your home. Renew it with swaps and small changes.
*Thank you for supporting this blog. If you purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission.
3. Make space for fun and creativity.
If you want to love your home, it needs to be a place where you can do the things you love to do. Otherwise, you'll always want to be somewhere else.
Don't tell me your house is too small! It doesn't take much room to have a few people over for slow cooker chili and board games, or to invite a couple of friends for coffee and dessert. My husband Jon does yoga in our living room. I crochet, embroider, and scrapbook. We work on our computers together at the kitchen table. We can sit on our tiny patio and enjoy trees, birds, and squirrels. We can even have our grandsons stay overnight.
How do we do it? We keep our space uncluttered. We keep materials for each hobby in its own bin, which is easy to store on a closet shelf. We put things away when we've finished using them. As Jessalynn Jones over at doablesimplicity.com says, "I prioritize being able to do things in my home over having things in my home." Exactly.
4. Make it cozy.
If your home isn't your haven, perhaps it's not as comfortable and welcoming as it could be. Think about the things you love and add them. It could be as simple as cookies in the oven, extra pillows for your bed, or a tray of candles on the coffee table. Perhaps you need your own private nook to relax in – it only takes a chair, a lamp, and a small table. Maybe your patio would be more inviting with some fairy lights or solar lanterns. Or maybe you just need a soft new robe and some warm slippers.
You won't regret adding a little hygge to your home.
5. Prioritize relationships.
In her book, Happier at Home, Gretchen Rubin writes about her experiments at increasing her enjoyment of home. After decluttering, organizing, and decorating, she focused on her relationships with her family and neighbors.
It just makes sense that you're not going to love your home unless you love the people in it. And yes, of course, you love them. But most of us have a tendency to take those nearest and dearest to us for granted, and we could probably improve how we treat each other, especially when it comes to listening and being more patient and considerate.
One big thing you can do to improve your relationships is to focus on people rather than things. It's so easy to get caught up in making your home look a certain way that you can start putting more attention on the stuff in it than on the people who live there. All of that home improvement and d̩cor demands your time and attention Рand you give it.
Gretchen Rubin also reminds us to "act the way you want to feel." If you want to feel tender toward your husband, you need to treat him tenderly. If you want your kids to be cheerful and open with you, you need to behave that way with them.
Finally, all of your relationships will improve if you build some space into your calendar so you can stop rushing all the time, and if you intentionally focus on what's positive rather than letting yourself criticize and complain.
Related article: 6 Simple and Effective Ways to Be Happier Every Day
Happier at home
We all have ideas about what our dream home would be like, but the reality is almost always something short of that. That doesn't mean we have to settle for being permanently envious and disappointed. Instead of that, we can take action to make the homes we have roomier, cozier, more enjoyable, and filled with affection.
It's worth the effort, because home is where we experience the ups and downs of life. Home is personal – we plan and shape our homes, but they also shape us. Loving your home matters, so I hope you'll take these steps to make it better.
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