What My Youngest Grandson Taught Me About Decluttering

My youngest grandson, Liam, is almost 4½ (that half year is very important).  He's been very clear lately about the fact that he is not a baby anymore, and he's not a toddler.  Babies can't walk or talk or feed themselves.  Toddlers still wear diapers and are scared of going down the big slide.  (His criteria.)  That is nothing like him!  Just because he's the youngest in his family doesn't mean he's anyone's "baby" or "little boy."

He's so adamant about this that I have to hide my smile.  When he cuddles next to me on the couch to watch a "bideo" (usually one of the Toy Story movies), clutching one of the little figures from a Lego Duplo dollhouse kit* I have, he's still very sure in his mind that he's "big."

* As an Amazon Associate, I may earn a small commission when you purchase through my links, at no extra charge to you.

When it came time to declutter a few items from the toy stash in my second bedroom, Liam was around to "help," and I thought I'd use his new-found maturity to advantage.  We went through the toys and books on the shelves, and whenever we came across something he and his brothers hadn't played with or read for a while, I'd ask "Do you still want this?  It seems like something a toddler would like...."

He'd glance over, think for a moment, and usually agree.  "Yeah, that's good for babies."  Into the donation box it went.  He wanted to keep a couple of things, but mostly there was no problem with letting things go.  Why?  It wasn't because I pushed or convinced him.  It was because he'd already decided who he was.

Who are you, and who do you want to be?

What if we approached our own decluttering the way Liam did?

We have beliefs about who we think we are, and we tend to buy and keep things based on those beliefs.  For example, when I was engaged to be married, I signed up on a gift registry for all the items I thought a newly-married couple should have.  Fancy "company" china and glassware, the full range of pots and pans, various small appliances, lamps, and more I don't even remember.  (The only thing we still have after 42 years is our Oneida stainless steel flatware, still in use every day, still looking practically brand-new.)

There was a lot I never used, though we packed it up and moved it to Denver, then back to the San Francisco Bay Area, then up to Sacramento, and at least once or twice more after that.  I kept everything for so long because I thought that's what I "should" do.

It took me a long time to learn that what I thought of as wasteful – getting rid of wedding gifts or things I had "spent good money for" – wasn't.  The waste came from storing, organizing, cleaning, and moving stuff I never used.  Selling it or giving it away meant someone else could use it, which was the only way to keep it from being wasted.

But if I had thought about who I was and who I wanted to be, maybe decluttering would have been easier.

At the time, I was homeschooling two young children and running music programs at my church.  I wanted to cook simple, nutritious meals without spending all day in the kitchen.  If I had people over, I wanted it to be casual, possibly even potluck.  I made a lot of soups and slow cooker dishes, and never served four-course meals.

If I had owned those beliefs, the same way Liam owns his, would I have kept a lot of fancy serving dishes?  Would I have cluttered my linen closet with damask tablecloths or kept purchasing crystal wine glasses one at a time?  Would I have stored appliances I never used because they had cost a lot of money?

If I had been honest with myself about who I was, regardless of who I thought I should be or who I was comparing myself to, letting go would have been much easier.

Decluttering isn't just about tidying up.  It's about aligning your environment with your identity.

Jennifer Burger, simplyfiercely.com

Make this idea work for you.

Here's an experiment you can try the next time you're having trouble decluttering.  Instead of asking "Do I need this?" or "Does this spark joy?" try asking:

• Who am I and who do I want to be in this season of my life?
• What would that version of me keep, and what would she declutter with confidence?

Picture this version of yourself.  What does her home look like?  Her wardrobe?  Her kitchen?  Her desk?  With that image in mind, return to decluttering.  Now that you've clarified to yourself who you are, the decisions you've struggled with may be much simpler.  You can start to imagine an environment that suits you perfectly.

Decluttering isn't about deprivation, and it doesn't have to be accompanied by guilt.  Sometimes it's about understanding yourself – how you've grown and changed, and where you're headed now.  You need a home that reflects that.

After all, if a 4½-year-old can let go of "baby" toys because he knows who he is now, we can learn to do the same.

Related article:  The Essential Decluttering Decision: Keep or Toss?

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