We Didn't Ask for This, But We Can Choose Our Response

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You know how good a warm room and dry clothes feel after you've been really cold and wet.  How refreshing a glass of ice water is on a hot and sticky day.  How comforting it is to relax in bed after a day of hard work.  How uplifting it is to smile and chat (even briefly) with someone friendly after a period of isolation.


Those good things are made better by contrast.  We appreciate them more because of the not-so-good situations that preceded them.


dancing daffodils - photo by Richard Bell on Unsplash



Our human condition


No one escapes difficulties.  Maybe you have fewer than some (I hope so), but no one's life is perfect all the time. 


My 28-year-old niece has an incurable neurological disorder.  She and her doctors are managing it well for now, but the disease is unpredictable, and severe attacks can come at any time.


My husband's colleague has cancer.  She's 20 years (at least) younger than I am, yet she has to think about the possibility of dying in a year or two.


I'm sure all of you know people in similar situations.  Maybe you're dealing with your own health issues today – or maybe you've lost a job, a home, or a relationship.  Maybe you feel near-constant anger and fear about what's going on in the world and what leaders are doing about it.  Or maybe it's just that winter has got you down.  It's been cold and bleak, and you just can't wait for the first hints of spring.





A tool for our benefit


I believe we suffer for a number of reasons.  Maybe we've made poor choices in the past, and our problems are the natural consequences.  But very often, what happens to us is out of our control.  We don't bring it on ourselves – it just happens.


I don't think it's childish or unrealistic to look for an upside to suffering.  Looking forward with hope doesn't have to be fake, New Age nonsense.  Hope is a tool.  It turns what might seem random or cruel into something we can use for our benefit.  Hope lets us see that suffering might eventually have some positive outcomes.  It might:

  • develop our inner strength and resilience
  • spur us to greater self-understanding, leading to a new sense of purpose
  • remind us of our shared humanity and help us learn compassion and empathy for others
  • increase our ability to accept help, and our desire to give to others in return
  • show us who our friends are, and deepen our relationships with them
  • cause us to have greater awareness and appreciation for the good things in our lives

Yes, we will learn the hard way.  We will mourn our losses.  We will grieve.  But let's not forget the possibilities of love and joy.  Let's not let the truth of suffering and death keep us from seeing the beauty that remains.


In an era of fear-mongering, let's find ways to be hope-mongers.

We did not ask for this room, or this music.
We were invited in.
Therefore, because the dark surrounds us,
Let us turn our faces to the light.
Let us endure hardship to be grateful for plenty.
We have been given pain to be astounded by joy;
We have been given life to deny death.

We did not ask for this room, or this music.
But because we are here,
Let us dance.
Bridget Carpenter and Stephen King
from the 2016 TV mini-series 11.22.63 





SIMPLY HAPPY book
Too many of us trudge through our days.  We get up, go to work, take care of chores, pay the bills, and go to bed, waking up to do it all over again.


We're getting by, just going through the motions.  But we don't feel much freedom or sense of control, and we often lack excitement and energy.  Our way of dealing with the tedium is not to deal with it, so we scroll, click, post, like, binge watch, shop, dream about a getaway, or consume some junk.


It seems we would rather escape than wake up and live.


The good news is that it's possible to create a life from which you don't want to escape!  It's possible to find a sense of purpose and direction every day.  It's possible to find a life of meaning and joy.


Just as you gain skill at maintaining your uncluttered home, schedule, and budget, you can get better at maintaining inner serenity and peace.  We can't control all the circumstances of our lives, but we have some control over our responses to them.  And we can mold our habits and even our brains toward positivity and happiness.


My book Simply Happy (part of my Minimalist Basics series*) aspires to help you do just that.  I hope to enlighten, encourage, and even goad you into choosing more joy.


* This blog is supported by its readers.  If you make a purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission.


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