Love... Your Enemies? Why This Crazy Idea Matters

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I admit it – I can be self-centered.  Demanding.  Judgmental.


And that's with people I care about, or at least those with whom I have no quarrel.


But enemies?  People who have let me down, or even hurt me?  People I don't get along with, or (for whatever reason) just don't like?  Most of the time I try to avoid those people.  I try not to think about them.  I certainly don't do anything to improve the situation.


Yet, shockingly, as a Christian I should be very different.  Jesus actually taught – and lived – that we should love our enemies.  Pray for them.


"If you love those who love you," he said, "why should you be rewarded?  And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others?  Do not even pagans do that?"  (Matthew 5:46-47)


It sounds crazy and impossible.  However, there is absolutely no chance for peace anywhere unless we at least attempt it.


locked heart - photo by Anya Chernykh on Unsplash



Human nature


It's natural for us to pray for people we like (or at least those with whom we have no quarrel) when we hear that they're dealing with sickness, job difficulties, or the loss of a loved one.  We'll pray for people we like to find success in a new endeavor, or for safety as they travel.  We'll even pray for (and be generous toward) strangers who are the victims of a disaster.


But it seems to go against human nature to do good to those who have wronged us, disagree with us, or intend us harm in some way.


If we are to claim to follow Jesus' teachings (or teachings from Judaism, Buddhism, Stoicism, and more), loving our enemies seems non-negotiable.  That means loving the person who has taken advantage of you, made fun of you, told lies about you....  Whenever you're wronged, you have to resist giving yourself over to hatred, contempt, or revenge.


I'm not sure I can do this.





Feeling vs. action


Fortunately, "love" in this context does not mean "feel good about."  Of course, we have feelings of love for our partners, children, families, and friends.  But we don't have to have tender emotions for every person on earth.  Love is a verb.  It's an action.  This is as true for our loved ones as it is for everyone else.


I'm not here to preach to you.  Every human being finds this a challenge.  It's not that difficult to feel kindly toward people who are nice to you, but our lack of love for those who hurt or threaten us is a universal situation.


I'm not pretending this is easy.  Picture the person you dislike most and see if it's easy to find any love for them.  Imagine if someone murdered a person you love.  He or she would definitely qualify as an enemy.  Could you love them?  Even if I told myself it was a choice, not an emotion, I know that would be the most difficult thing in my entire life.


Instead of repaying evil for evil, or seeking revenge, I'd have to seek peace with and pray for my enemy – even meet their physical needs.  (Proverbs 25:21)


Well, that sounds kind of crazy.  Why would I even want to try to love someone who's done something awful to me?  What could I possibly get out of it?





6 benefits of trying to love


1.  I'd be happier.

If I live with anger and resentment, that's not only going to eat me up inside, it's going to surface in my behavior toward others.  Even if the anger isn't directed toward them, others may feel the result of it.  I'll be less patient and less tolerant, and that might harm the relationships I care about.


2.  I'd set a better example.

My kids and grandkids learn from what I do.  If they see me hold a grudge, that's what they'll do too.  But if they see me at least trying to make peace, that's a powerful example.


3.  I'd be a factor in changing someone's life.

My husband has been teaching for more than 40 years, and through the years he's had a few very troubled students.  Those kids, who perhaps need the most kindness and encouragement, are never liked by their classmates, and I'm sure they know it.  They're human beings, and being universally disliked must cause either grief or greater anger and hatred in them.  That's why Jon always tries to find some positive trait in those kids and let them know he sees and appreciates it.  Maybe that's the one thing that will give them some hope.


Objectively, we know that hurting someone (even if we believe they got what they deserved) is always a bad thing.  Treating someone well is always a good thing and might make a positive difference.


4.  I might make a friend.

A girl named Kim and I were high school rivals – we always tried out for the same parts in school musicals.  She got the lead in Mame, I got the lead in West Side Story (we had very different singing styles).  We were polite when together, but said mean things about each other to our separate friends.  Everyone knew we didn't like each other.  But Kim was more mature than I and figured out that we had a lot in common.  She started reaching out to me, and by graduation we were friends.  I always felt I missed out by not getting to know Kim sooner.


Sometimes being enemies is counterproductive – it hinders your progress – while making a friend can be productive – you can help and support each other.


5.  It's a test.

I like to think of myself as a good person, but if I only love my family and friends, how is that praiseworthy?  It's no great feat.  The real test of goodness is turning hatred into love.


6.  It's better for the world.

One relationship might not seem to matter to society as a whole, but the cumulative effect of our rivalries, jealousies, dislikes, and disagreements creates a more fractured, angry, and dangerous world.  We can see the results of this everywhere.


The opposite is also true.  Just imagine if we could all overcome that hatred and learn to love our enemies.  We could cure a lot of the world's ills.





A crazy idea


I have a crazy idea for Valentine's Day this year.  I'm going to think of one person I don't like or trust, and I'm going to begin praying for them.  I'm not going to start condoning the bad actions of this person.  We will still strongly disagree.  But I'm going to ask God to soften my unloving feelings toward them.


This goes against my nature, which is the point.  Loving your enemies isn't a typical human response.  Being self-centered and judgmental is what we're all pretty good at.


May you be loved, and may you love, today and every day.




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