How to Show Love Today - and Every Day

By
How many diamond ads have you seen in the last few weeks?  How about perfume ads?  Flowers?  Chocolate?  Ads for special couples' deals at restaurants and boutique hotels?


'Tis yet another season for showing our love by giving a gift.


Valentine's Day is the third largest shopping occasion of the year.  This amounts to nearly $20 billion in spending for the holiday, including gifts for pets, which account for almost $700 million.  Valentine's Day is too huge for marketers to ignore -- it's like Black Friday for florists, chocolatiers, and jewelers.





There's more than one way to show you care.


Valentine's Day is meant to be a time to connect with family and friends in a way that shows love and commitment.  Never mind that we should really be trying to show our loved ones that they are loved every day of the year.  Our culture has made Valentine's Day the heavy hitter, the one day we dare not fail to impress.
I am not saying we shouldn't give gifts to our loved ones.  A thoughtfully chosen gift is one way to show you care about someone.  But it's only one possible way to express love.  If we subscribe to the theory that there are five Love Languages, then we might consider that a focus on gift-giving causes us to undervalue the other four.  


In fact, maybe we shop more and amass too much stuff because we're trying (unsuccessfully) to fill that gap.





Actions speak louder than gifts.


This Valentine's Day, why don't we spend some time and energy on the other possibilities for showing love?

1.  Acts of service 

This involves being extra helpful and kind, noticing a need and meeting it without being asked, dropping a grudge and making the first move toward resolving a dispute, etc.  You could make her favorite food, or do his least favorite chore.

2.  Words of affirmation 

This includes sincere compliments, saying "I love you" and "Thank you," giving encouragement, speaking positively instead of complaining, etc.  Why not make the effort to write a love letter or poem?  Or you could sing a love song (it can be serious or silly).  Don't worry if you're not Pavarotti.

3.  Quality time 

This means focused and uninterrupted attention, eye contact, listening without planning what you want to say, etc.  Quality time generally requires you to ignore your phone.


Spend time reminiscing about how you met and your early days together.  Look at old photos.  Or make plans to do a fun activity together, especially if it's something your loved one likes that isn't your special interest.   Learn about it and look for ways to enjoy it.


4.  Physical touch 

Naturally this includes hugs, kisses, hand holding, pats, fist bumps, neck rubs, foot massages, and more!





Love in action.


I enjoy receiving a few chocolate hearts, a beautiful greeting card, or one perfect rose.  But I adore having my husband's undivided attention or some help with household chores, some acupressure from my massage therapist son, a long phone call from my daughter, and smiles and hugs from my grandson.  Those are gifts for any day, not just a specially designated holiday.


May you love and be loved, today and every day.

Comments

  1. jnetheryFebruary 13, 2019 at 11:09 AM

    wonderful words

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownFebruary 14, 2019 at 8:24 AM

    What a beautiful message! I'm not a fan of this "holiday". Hopefully your message will make it more of a true connection vs someone just going through the motions because it says to on the calendar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen TrefzgerFebruary 14, 2019 at 8:50 PM

      Thank you for your kind words! "...just going through the motions because it says to on the calendar..." is something I want to avoid. Yet there's a lot of pressure to not just ignore this "holiday." I compromised by writing love notes to my husband, parents-in-law, and kids, and sending my grandson a chocolate heart (one will be special for him, because he doesn't get many sweets) and some stickers of trucks, tractors, bulldozers (he's 3). Just to let them know I'm thinking of them! I treated my husband to a special breakfast, too.

      Delete
  3. ratnamurtiFebruary 17, 2019 at 11:49 AM

    I totally agree. Showing how we care: actions speak louder than words. In New Zealand, Valentines Day is more for couples, and it's not as important as other celebrations. However, I do like your 'little touches' for your loved ones on Valentines Day

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen TrefzgerFebruary 17, 2019 at 7:46 PM

      Thank you, ratnamurti. Actions speak louder than words, and they often speak louder than gifts, too!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

52 Minimalist Hobbies to Benefit and Enrich Your Life

By
Image
Everyone benefits from a hobby or two.  Hobbies reduce stress by letting you spend time on something you enjoy provide scope for creativity and imagination make you more knowledgeable and interesting help you develop patience and skills improve your sense of accomplishment and self-esteem promote mindfulness and concentration can create a social life and let you bond with others who share your interests can allow you to stay active and physically healthy I've known people with entire rooms dedicated to their hobby – studios for painting and pottery, sewing rooms, woodworking sheds, and basements filled with wine-making apparatus or a model train setup. But even if you live in a small space, like my husband and I do, or you want to pursue hobbies that require less equipment and expense, you're in luck.  Many hobbies take a lot of space and tools, but many do not, and you can probably find one of those that you'll enjoy. There are some tricks to making a hobby work in a small...
Read more

12 Easy, Daily Chores to Keep a Tidy Minimalist Home

By
Image
Good habits are more than the actions your mama nagged you about (wash your hands, turn off the lights, say please and thank you).  They're a foundation for the actions we need to do that let us take care of business without having to plan or decide each and every step.  For example: If you develop the habit of taking vitamins with a big glass of water each morning, you get all the benefits without having to debate the action. If you deal with mail efficiently each evening, you streamline your to-do list without burying a few important items in a mountain of junk. These useful habits benefit us, unlike bad habits such as smoking or oversleeping.  So why not develop some good habits to help us keep our homes tidy and clutter-free?  Reduce decision fatigue by making small, daily actions a routine for you and your family. Huge decluttering projects or deep cleaning sessions have their place, but for daily ease, try these quick and simple chores to make a profound differ...
Read more

Why You Should Make "Less is More" Your Mantra for Life

By
Image
Maybe you've heard the saying popularized by architect Mies van der Rohe in 1947:  "Less is more." It's an oxymoron – a phrase that seems to contradict itself.  Others include "old news," "open secret," "unbiased opinion," and "awfully good."  Or the lament, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." What does "less is more" mean?  It's wonderfully open-ended.  Answers to that are as varied as the people who reply.  Consider: Less anxiety, more peace. Less debt, more savings. Less busywork, more substance. Less clutter, more space. Less comparison, more contentment. Less sugar, more vegetables. Voluntary simplicity Back in the 1990s, a fair number of Americans realized that the continual quest for more and better was stressing them out and keeping them from creating lives of purpose.  After the consumerist binge of the yuppie-era 80s, some started wondering if the big house, flashy car, exotic vacation, and Rolex we...
Read more

Help - My Partner's Clutter is Driving Me Crazy!

By
Image
You love your partner.  But you don't love her stuff.  (And she doesn't love your nagging about her stuff.) It's a common issue for couples.  In fact, some surveys have found that nearly half of all couples argue about clutter.  A few even have the argument every day. If you're in this situation, decluttering by itself isn't going to add to your peace.  In fact, it might create more tension in your household.  It's important to find ways to come together in this area. Why clutter is an issue One reason there's so much friction about this topic is that, for many of us, possessions are part of our identity.  Your husband's tee shirt may look to you like it's ready to become a dust rag, but to him it might be a reminder of the time he saw his favorite band perform.  Your attempt to downgrade it might feel like a personal attack.  It's not so much about the physical item as it is about the emotion that's attached to it. How can this be resolved?...
Read more

Finding the Good in Hard Times

By
Image
As a child, the name "Good Friday" always confused me.  How is it good if it commemorates the day Jesus died?  I understood that Easter was the joyful celebration of Jesus' resurrection, the triumph of good over evil, and the hope of eternal life in relationship with God.  But how is the suffering of that Friday good ? I had to go through some suffering of my own to learn its potential. Whether or not you're a Christian, you're going to go through hard times at some point.  The world isn't perfect, and struggles and disappointments are real.  A strong and hopeful perspective is one you'll want to cultivate. 15 lessons we might learn from hard times 1.  We might learn that we're stronger than we know, and that we can survive things we never thought we could endure.   2.  We can learn to let the past go, wake up tomorrow, and try again. 3.  We learn not to waste energy on things that aren't important in the long run.  We get better at...
Read more