How Giving Things Up Can Do Us Good

Some of you may be thinking about what you want to give up for Lent, which beings this Wednesday, February 18th.  You may know that Lent is a 40-day period of fasting, prayer, and charitable giving in preparation for Good Friday and Easter.

Or maybe you're not religious, not a Christian, or not one of those Christians who follows ancient church practices.  That's not a problem, because the topic I want to write about today applies to anyone who's interested in self-mastery.

Who is the master?

Did you know that almost every culture has some sort of fasting or renunciation practice?  Refraining from things that attract (particularly food) has been a way to increase personal control and focus throughout many centuries for people all over the world.

Maybe it's because humans are the only animals that can say no to treats.  Think about it – a hungry dog, mouse, or fish will never hold themselves back from gobbling up whatever food is available, sometimes even when it's dangerous to indulge.  Yes, a trained dog might hold back for a bit, but only because it's hoping to please its master and get some other sort of reward.

But a human being can choose to exercise restraint.  Maybe she prefers a different reward (forgoing the cookie in order to lose weight, for example), but maybe there's another, even better, reason.

When we repeatedly give in to temptation without even considering a different behavior, that temptation owns us.  It controls our choices.  The cookie gets eaten, but it's the desire for the cookie that we relinquish control to.

Of course, our desires aren't limited to cookies.  Alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, binge-watching, social media, shopping, even the news might be what attracts us.  Even though we have the choice to keep those things in balance, we might be regularly overindulging without question.

Our culture doesn't help.  We're all about you-do-you, with an infinite array of food, sexual stimulation, and gossip to keep us in thrall.  There are many warnings about misusing these things.  Even so, if you stop watching the news people will say you have your head in the sand, and if you skip a meal or two, they'll wonder if you have an eating disorder.

I'm not suggesting we become like medieval ascetics.  But this might be a good time to exercise self-control in some small but significant way.  We can strengthen our ability to be in control, to show restraint, to consciously decide what serves us, rather than submitting to desires that master us.

Deciding not to

If you give up sweets or TikTok for Lent, you'll probably notice some benefits from your choice.  But that's not the main reason to refrain.  The real power is in the exercise of restraint.  Sure, you avoid the negative effects of indulging in something that's less than beneficial, but you gain much more when you voluntarily defeat that cookie in a standoff.  You become stronger and more determined – assets you can apply in many areas of your life.

So for this period of Lent, I plan to eat nothing before 6:00 p.m. except a couple of eggs or some oatmeal for breakfast, bean or vegetable soup and a slice of whole wheat bread for lunch, Earl Grey tea or coffee with a dash of milk.  If I get hungry, I'll add an ounce of cheese or a piece of fruit.

I want to do this partly because I'm not sure I can, and I'm not sure I want to.  A cowardly part of my brain believes I won't be able to stand anything less than self-indulgent freedom.  That part of me will be my master unless I forcefully take the reins.  It drives, or I drive.  And I want to develop the strength to let a cookie remain uneaten.

But first I need to see if I can stick to my simple food plan.  If this seems crazy, I urge you to think about how crazy it is to live in a culture that makes you feel odd or puritanical about denying yourself anything you might want.

Throughout history, most humans have lived without a guarantee of three meals every day.  I will still enjoy more food security than billions of others in the world.  And yet many of them will still practice a fast at certain times, viewing it as an important way of staying righteous and focusing on what really matters.

If you want to join me

I invite those of you who like this idea to give up something for Lent too.  Think of something that attracts you, and give it up completely, such as:

• caffeine
• meat
• fried food
• alcohol
• sugar
• complaining
• gossiping
• an addictive phone app or two
• shopping for anything other than necessities
• political content

This doesn't have to be permanent.  You just want to take control of something you normally battle or bargain with.  You will sacrifice it for six weeks in the name of increasing your inner strength against its influence on you.  (If it seems hard to give up, it does have some power over you.)

Remember that it's much better to choose a small sacrifice and give it up completely, without compromise, for the entire time, than to pick something tougher and only do it halfway.  And of course, you don't want to replace what you're giving up with something that's equally troublesome, such as binge-watching sports instead of Netflix, or eating Cheetos instead of cookies.

You want to feel the absence of what you're giving up and enjoy the grand but subtle pleasures of steadfastness and self-mastery.

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