Unwanted Holiday Gifts and How to Start Dealing With Them

By

Let gratitude be your trademark.


Maybe you think minimalism requires an offensive strategy that shouts "Don't you dare give me anything that's going to clutter up my life!"  That's not a great attitude if you want to preserve a relationship you cherish.  But never fear – nastiness isn't necessary.



Gift-giving is historically significant.


In fact, giving a gift to show honor or appreciation, or to cement social or economic bonds, is an ancient practice.  So is giving gifts to a newly-married couple or a newborn baby.


But in spite of these age-old traditions, we don't seem to do it very well.


Maybe that's because our culture expects us to do it so often.  Gone are the days when a child might get one present on his birthday and a handful at Christmas.  Now we give gifts because it's the first day of school, or the first day of summer.  Or because we went through a fast food drive-thru.  Or because she asked for it in the store.


We give gifts at Easter and Valentine's Day.  We give gifts for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparents' Day, Administrative Assistants' Day, and more.  We give gifts to teachers, coaches, and pastors.  We give gifts to say "Get well" or "I'm thinking of you!"  We give gifts for housewarmings and retirements, engagements and graduations.


And then there's the holiday season, which is a gift-giving marathon.


Gifts are supposed to be about thoughtfulness and love, but Americans spend over $15 billion on unwanted Christmas presents every year, and about 61% of people surveyed expect to get at least one gift they won't like.  Of those, most will add to people's clutter.  Some will be returned or exchanged, and a certain amount wind up in the garbage.


Most people give presents they hope their recipients will like.  They'd be dismayed to know that you're among the 62% of people who admit to lying about how much they like and use a gift.


Why are we so bad at this, even when we try to give something that won't wind up in the back of a closet or buried in a landfill?  Possibilities include:


  • The giver and the recipient don't know each other well.
  • The recipient doesn't need or want anything.
  • The recipient has very high expectations or very specific tastes.
  • The gift-giving is impersonal and obligatory; for example, a Secret Santa exchange, classmate's (not friend's) birthday party, milestone anniversary, etc.

There's a lot of room for error, and since we don't want to offend anyone, these gifts take up space, gather dust, and remind you that so-and-so doesn't really know you.



5 ways to receive with gratitude


"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," so let's start with strategies to reduce the number of unwanted presents you give and receive.


1.  Have a conversation.

Don't wait to have a conversation about Christmas gifts at the Thanksgiving dinner table.  Bring the subject up much earlier, and do it by talking about some of the changes you're making in your life as a minimalist.  Comments like the following could start some interesting discussions.


  • "I just decluttered my garage, and I can't believe how many things I donated!"
  • "We've implemented a one-in, one-out strategy with the kids' toys, and it's had so many positive results."
  • "I watched a documentary about minimalism, and it really changed my thinking."


By opening a conversation, you'll hopefully spark some curiosity and a thoughtful exchange.


It's especially important to share your resolutions with your loved ones when you're new to minimalism.  Your desire to live with more lightness and freedom may look quite different to your previous lifestyle.  Be patient, because the idea of wanting less rather than more is startling to some people, and can be a difficult concept to accept.  As time goes on, and friends see that your choices are permanent, they'll adjust.


That's what happened for me.  Now my family and close friends know I'm not interested in acquiring a lot of things I don't need, so they try to choose gifts they think I'll use and enjoy.


That said, some people may never understand your chosen way of life.  They may not be willing or able to accommodate you, so you'll need to accommodate them.  Be the example of loving acceptance, and continue to practice the following tips.


2.  Ask a question.

It's pretty standard to share a wish list with family and friends for baby showers or weddings, so why not do it for your birthday or Christmas if they’re likely to give you a gift?

 

Make it a two-way transaction.  Begin by asking potential gift-givers what they would like to receive.  Do they have a list of things they need or want?  That may trigger them to ask you the same question.

 

Remember that your wish list doesn’t need to be restricted to tangible items.  Mention experiences you would enjoy having as well.


3.  Make room.

As you practice minimalism, your home becomes less cluttered and your schedule less frenzied.  You can accommodate a few new gifts or experiences.  It may seem contradictory to add things, but one benefit of minimalism is that instead of being weighed down by your stuff and your past, you can be open to what the future offers.


4.  Don't feel guilty about purging.

If a holiday gift only adds clutter to your home or to your child’s toy box, don’t feel guilty about donating or selling it.  It was given to you, presumably without strings attached.  If it will be valuable to someone else, let it go.  Your loved one would surely not want you to feel burdened by a gift.


5.  Be gracious.

Maya Angelou wrote, “When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”  I’m thankful there are people who care enough about me to give me gifts, and I do my best to let them know I appreciate all they add to my life.  A tangible gift is only a symbol for a relationship, and that’s what I really cherish.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

14 Mistakes that Make Your House Smaller than It Has to Be

By
Image
I lived in five different houses before I went away to college at age 17.  That's a move every three to four years, each time for a slightly larger house.  My mom never felt we had enough space, enough closets, a big enough kitchen, a large enough yard. Her feelings weren't unusual then (the 1960s and 70s), and they're even more common now.  The average home size has grown from 983 square feet in 1950 to almost 2,200 square feet today.  Families are smaller, but we seem to need more personal space.  Or at least we think we do. There are some things a lot of us do that make our homes feel smaller.  I think we can be happy with less square footage if we learn to make our spaces look and feel larger.  Read on for my best tips. 14 errors that make your home feel small, and how to fix them 1.  Shoes If your entry hall hosts a pile of shoes, that's what greets you every time you come in.  Not only does it look like a mess, but it makes the entry f...
Read more

52 Minimalist Hobbies to Benefit and Enrich Your Life

By
Image
Everyone benefits from a hobby or two.  Hobbies reduce stress by letting you spend time on something you enjoy provide scope for creativity and imagination make you more knowledgeable and interesting help you develop patience and skills improve your sense of accomplishment and self-esteem promote mindfulness and concentration can create a social life and let you bond with others who share your interests can allow you to stay active and physically healthy I've known people with entire rooms dedicated to their hobby – studios for painting and pottery, sewing rooms, woodworking sheds, and basements filled with wine-making apparatus or a model train setup. But even if you live in a small space, like my husband and I do, or you want to pursue hobbies that require less equipment and expense, you're in luck.  Many hobbies take a lot of space and tools, but many do not, and you can probably find one of those that you'll enjoy. There are some tricks to making a hobby work in a small...
Read more

The 6 Biggest Causes of Clutter - and How to Stop Them

By
Image
Clutter builds up while we're not paying attention.  Eventually we can't deny that we've accumulated too many extras, and then we have to take the time to clean up, find homes for things, and donate or toss. "How did I let it get this bad again?" we wonder, and that's what this post will answer.  Let's talk about clutter sources that home organizers say are the biggest culprits, so that we can pay better attention and stop the mess before it starts. 6 clutter culprits 1.  New purchases Wait, those Amazon or Chewy boxes just came through the door.  How can they be clutter already? Unless the purchase is replacing something that outlived its usefulness, the new item doesn't have a home yet.  It's just adding to the stuff that already fills your space. Online shopping has become so easy that we often make impulsive purchases.  These unneeded items get shuffled from place to place until they're finally shoved into a drawer or the back of a closet. ...
Read more

Simple Steps to a Great Morning that Makes Your Day

By
Image
I'm a night owl, always have been.  I learned to function on five hours of sleep because I had to.  I couldn't fall asleep before midnight or 1:00 a.m., yet I had to be present for the worlds of school, work, and motherhood, which began early in the day. My natural bent, however, is to stay up all night, go to bed between 10:00 and 11:00 a.m., and wake up just before 6:00 p.m., feeling refreshed and energized.  I should have been an ICU nurse, like my sister. I love early mornings, and they are a lovely feature of life whether you're a lark rising like the majority of the human race, or whether you've been up all night and are ready for a stretch and a reset. The perfect morning routine will set you up for success during the rest of the day, and it's especially important to establish good habits if you're an owl trying to survive in a lark's world.  No one wants to feel fuzzy or sluggish.  No one wants to feel that they're running behind and trying to ca...
Read more

Please Stop Adding this Source of Stress to Your Morning Routine

By
Image
I used to think a packed-full wardrobe meant I needed a bigger closet.  I didn't connect it to the fact that I bought new clothes every week or two, since all the women (and some of the men) I knew did the same thing.  We all wished for bigger closets. The "perfect wardrobe" was elusive, however.  My closet held a lot of pieces I had worn once or twice and never again.  But I thought the right clothes would help me gain the approval I craved, so I kept bringing things home. Even when I was pregnant, even after I had two children and my body was changed forever and clothes that fit me became harder to find, I bought new stuff all the time.  Eventually, I bought fewer clothes, because it was too frustrating and made me feel awful about myself.  I didn't stop buying, though.  I went for accessories instead, because those always fit.  I had a ton of jewelry , scarves, purses, and shoes.  And I hung on to clothes I might be able to wear again so...
Read more