One Tip for Success -- Pretend You Are Who You Want to Be
Do you want to be happy? The world's longest scientific study on happiness began in 1938 and is ongoing. It focused on a group of over 700 Harvard students and other young men from the Boston area, including all income groups. It has expanded to include the spouses and children of the original participants, a pool of more than 2,000 people.
Not surprisingly, good health added to people's happiness. So did
- a positive, grateful attitude
- having goals and a purpose
- learning new things
- showing kindness to others
The forgotten component
One aspect of personal happiness that isn't always mentioned is self-acceptance. The latest Gallup study notes that happiness among teens and young adults is declining globally. Loneliness and stress are rising; trust is at a low ebb. Social media may be partly to blame, as it has amplified political differences, facilitated cyberbullying, and probably interferes with real-life connection and interaction.
When your self-acceptance is shaky, you're more vulnerable to any of these situations. When you struggle with guilt, feel unworthy, or compare yourself unfavorably to others, it becomes harder to believe that anyone cares for you, or to reach out to others with confidence.
It's important that we accept ourselves, acknowledging our flaws but also recognizing our strengths. That doesn't mean we won't feel bad when we do wrong or fail to reach a goal, but we won't completely write ourselves off and feel that we have no hope. We can forgive ourselves and move on.
Is it possible to be happy all the time? Maybe not. It is possible to be miserable all the time? Definitely. A negative view of yourself and the world can ruin every single day.
In fact, self-acceptance is the foundation for growth. Rather than inflating our good traits and ignoring or hiding our bad ones, we can accept all of it and find constructive ways to learn and move forward. We can discover and develop our strengths and use them to make our own and others' lives better, and we can accept our imperfections and work at self-improvement – not comparing ourselves to some ideal of excellence, but to where we were yesterday, last week, or last year.
Related article: Self-Love Isn't Selfish
How to change
Self-acceptance lets you see areas about yourself that you want to change and gives you the confidence to believe that you can succeed.
Here's the simplest way I know how to do that: Think about the goal you want to achieve, imagine the kind of person who has already achieved that goal or created that habit, and pretend you are that person.
Let's say I wanted to become a runner. (Cue laughter!) I might read about the training habits and lifestyle of runners, and imagine what it's like to be one. I could pretend I'm a runner, and think about how I should act, what my thoughts and feelings are, what my habits are. I might buy new running shoes and tell myself I'm a runner. Just by pretending it, and assuming that identity, I become a runner.
Here's the crucial part: What does a runner do every day? She runs! I would start small, because I'm new at it, but running every day would become a part of who I am.
I wanted to be a writer. I took a few classes, read several books on writing,* and discovered that a writer reads and a writer writes. Every day, no matter what, if I wanted to assume the identity of a writer, I needed to write, whether or not I felt inspired. My new writing habit became one sentence every day. Instead of dreaming about being a writer, I acted as if I was a writer, and began writing.
* This blog is reader-supported. If you buy through my links, I may earn a small commission.
Doing something for a couple of days isn't going to make a bit of difference. You have to stick with it. That's why my writing habit is one sentence, though I often write 1000 words or more. I can achieve my goal every day, no matter what.
A tiny, daily habit can reinforce the new identity you're creating. If you write one sentence, or run around the block, or practice for five minutes at the piano, or resist a sugary snack day after day after day, you're shaping the parameters for your new identity. The trick is not to worry about publishing a book or losing 40 pounds, but to focus on becoming the type of person who writes books or carries a healthy weight.
Simply take the smallest action that confirms the type of person you imagine yourself to be.
As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, reminds us, "When we promise ourselves something small and then deliver on it, over and over again, our brains learn that we're capable of choosing and behaving the way we want to, and that those behaviors are worth the effort."
This is powerful. And this magical trick works for any goal and any person. Pretend you are who you want to be. Change your identity (the type of person you believe you are), and it becomes easier to change your actions.
That kind of success is sure to make you happy.
You're a daughter, son, spouse, parent, boss, co-worker, neighbor, and more. Your life is defined by your relationships. And to maintain the health of those connections, we need a few tools:
- the ability to give and receive assistance
- the habit of expressing gratitude
- the grace to apologize and extend forgiveness
- the unselfishness and respect that rejoices in someone else's high achievements and good fortune
Help, thanks, sorry, awesome. Four attitudes that improve the quality of all your relationships, and of your life.
Comments
Post a Comment