End Binge and Purge
Just a note: Bulimia nervosa is an emotional disorder involving distortion of body image and an obsessive desire to lose weight. Bouts of extreme overeating are followed by depression and self-induced purging or fasting. Bulimia is a severe, potentially life-threatening condition, and nothing in this post is intended to dismiss or belittle those who suffer from it.
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I used to have shopping bulimia.
I'd go through a period of binge shopping, whether for clothes, home décor, books, kitchen items, or something else. Then a few months later I'd go on a decluttering jag, have a garage sale or use classified ads, and donate what I couldn't sell. Then with the money I'd made (and while still paying on credit card debt I'd run up during my binge phase), I'd go out and buy new stuff.
The thing is, you're not truly decluttering if you go out to buy more. You may be making some room so that your house, closets, and drawers don't become overstuffed, but the shop ➔ sell ➔ donate ➔ shop cycle isn't minimalism. It's consumerism.
That's why I've decided that the philosophy of "one in, one out" can be a bit of a trap.
- It lets you keep right on acquiring as long as you keep getting rid of old stuff.
- It doesn't encourage you to buy quality items, to care for them and use them as long as possible, and to only replace what's necessary.
- It doesn't keep you from being a slave to the latest trends.
- It doesn't give you any reason to examine your shopping behavior or the source of your discontent.
- It doesn't explain or curtail a tendency to "trade up" for a new handbag, car, vacation, or even a new house every few years.
If you want to declutter once and for all, you have to overcome shopping bulimia.
Just as we might turn to food when we're feeling lonely, bored, or stressed, shopping is something we might indulge in when we feel the need for a pick-me-up. Human brains are hardwired to deliver a small dose of the hormone dopamine when we hunt for, and then find, something we want. This jolt of pleasure and reward works very well when you're foraging for edibles in the wild. But buying something online or in a store isn't much of an accomplishment, especially since retailers are doing everything they can to get us to spend.
When your living space gets crowded with all of those unnecessary purchases, you may start feeling stressed and anxious about that too. Maybe those negative emotions cause you to buy even more – KonMarie "storage essentials," for example, or an entire closet system. If your shopping habits lead to debt and guilt, maybe you switch to binge shopping in discount stores, figuring it doesn't matter because everything costs so little. (The fact that it wastes resources, perpetuates extremely low-paying manufacturing jobs, and eventually lives forever in a landfill might not concern you.) And when you finally purge in order to regain a sense of control, you flush all of those things that were useless to you back out into the world so they can be useless to someone else.
When you struggle with a shopping disorder, life is a constant battle between the compulsion to acquire something new and the desire to have a home you can manage with ease – a home that is a supportive haven rather than a crowded source of frustration.
I get it. I've been there. I'm here to tell you that shopping bulimia can be overcome.
4 Healthier Alternatives to Retail Therapy
Rather than getting some more new stuff, you may find that feeling of abundance you crave by going through what you already own. You can make it a major project (reorganize all of your closets, rearrange furniture and décor, and clear out the garage) or something with a quick payoff (clean out the junk drawer or another five-minute purge). You may even discover things you forgot you had. In the end, the "new" acquisition is a less-cluttered, more peaceful and efficient environment, which is definitely a mood-booster.
2. Count your blessings.
Gratitude for the good things in your life gives you a sense of fullness and peace every day. Because binge shopping might be an effort to lessen feelings of lack and emptiness, a gratitude practice is the perfect antidote. When you focus on what you're grateful for, you essentially crowd out your more negative thoughts and reduce those cravings for more, more, more.
3. Cultivate interests other than shopping.
There is nothing wrong with wanting stimulation. Restless curiosity drives all of the great ideas and inventions of mankind. So use your mind and your talents for something more worthwhile than a shopping trip. Learn something new, return to an old hobby, repair or reuse something to make it last longer, volunteer for a cause you care about. Use your time and abilities to be something more than a consumer.
4. When you do shop, shop smarter.
There's no denying that an occasional treat is enjoyable, and if it's within your budget and won't create clutter you should enjoy it. But choose wisely. Just as one exquisite chocolate or a hand-crafted cappuccino from a local coffee roaster can be a delightful experience to savor, while scarfing down several greasy donuts or guzzling a 44-ounce soda will just make you feel guilty and sick, some purchases are better than others for lifting your spirits without needing to be purged later. Consider:
- a therapeutic massage
- a bouquet of fresh flowers
- concert or theater tickets
- locally produced organic foods
- a visit to a museum or a gallery
- a yoga or dance class
- a higher-quality personal care item than you usually buy
Don't forget there are ways to treat yourself well without spending money at all, so borrow a new book from the library, soak in a bubble bath, call a friend you haven't talked to in a while, or watch the sunset with someone you love!
Photo by Maude Frédérique Lavoie on Unsplash