The Case for Fewer Toys

I'm sure you've never found yourself in this position:

Your child already has plenty of toys (translation: way too many), yet you're cruising through Target and they mention they want something else.  Something new.  They're "so bored" with what they've already got.  "Look, Mom, it's so cute!"  It's not their birthday, it's not Christmas, it's not the beginning of summer vacation.  It's just a random Monday early in November.  And they want it now – did I mention that?  They don't want to add it to a list of potential gifts for later.

Hmmm... this doesn't sound like anything you ever say or do, does it?  You don't just buy random items because they're cute, on sale, might go with some other random thing you already own, or could be potentially useful someday – right?  You're never bored and think a purchase would pep you up and give you something to be excited about – right?

Okay, maybe you do.  Sometimes.  Maybe your child has noticed that and thinks it's perfectly acceptable behavior.  It's not behavior you intended to teach, but... there it is.

Does this explain why your house is always such a mess?  Sure, there's mail, dishes, clothes (clean and dirty), and those nagging unfinished projects that hang around your desk or the kitchen table.  (I know, because I have some too.)  But on top of all that, there's a bag of new stuff from Hobby Lobby and two Amazon deliveries.  And there are toys.  In the playroom.  In the kids' bedrooms.  But also in the bathtub, the living room, the kitchen, the backyard....

The beginning of too many toys

Baby showers, am I right?  That's when it starts.  Plenty of photo-worthy clothes.  (Alas, not so many spitup- and leaky diaper-worthy items, which is what you really need.)  Baby monitors, wipe warmers, and crib mobiles.  Lots of cute rattles, teethers, and stuffed animals.  Your kid is overloaded with stuff even before she's born.

Then comes the First Birthday.  And the First Christmas.  These are occasions that only happen once, so even though your child won't remember any of it, you have to take a million pictures, and there are so many presents!

Repeat this cycle year after year, add another child or two, and that's where you are now.

The breaking point

Your house holds dozens of toys worth hundreds of dollars.  (The U.S. is home to just 3% of the world's children, but parents and grandparents purchase 40% of the world's toys.)  No matter how much you pick up and organize them, they still get scattered everywhere.  You notice that your children don't even play with any one thing for very long.  And even though there are so many options, they still fight over things or complain of boredom.

"That's it," you think.  "I've had it!"  You march into the kitchen, grab a garbage bag, snap it open, and stomp into the playroom to begin shoving toys into the bag as your kids cry.

Well, maybe not.  Maybe that's only in your imagination.

The problems of excess

Unlike when my parents were growing up, and my mom remembered having just one doll, most children today are not in danger of being deprived, but of having too much.  And our inability to resist the overload might be creating an environment in which mental health issues flourish.

When I read Kim John Payne's book, Simplicity Parenting,* one message stood out:  Add the stress of too much to normal personality quirks, and you may create a problem.  A child who is orderly and careful may become obsessive.  A child who is dreamy may lose the ability to concentrate.

* This blog is reader-supported.  If you buy through my links, I may earn a small commission.

Payne's research and clinical experience makes it clear that simplifying children's lives results in cognitive, social, and academic improvements.  This simplification is partly in the children's schedules, and partly in their home environments.  It means fewer organized after-school activities, fewer screens, and fewer toys.  Reducing those things lowers stress and improves focus for the entire family.

But let's be honest.  Buying something for your child might be easier than actually spending time with him.  Talking, listening, playing together – those things get squeezed out when we're too busy.  Instead, we put our kids in dance or band or sports, and we buy them lots of toys.  We think this solves the problem, but it also teaches kids to equate acceptance and love with achievement and possessions.

How many toys should a child have?

Kids need to play, but they don't need all the stuff we buy them.  German researchers removed all the toys from a kindergarten for three months, and guess what happened?  At first, the children wandered aimlessly.  But by the second day, they had made a tent out of tables, chairs, and blankets, and were inventing games.

When my younger brother, sister, and I used to visit our grandparents for a week or two each summer, we didn't bring or have toys.  What did we do?  

• We helped with garden chores, fed the chickens, and played with kittens in the barn (there were always kittens).  
• We climbed trees and played Hide and Seek and Simon Says.  
• We played hopscotch and giant tic-tac-toe by making marks with a stick in the dirt driveway.  
• Sometimes Grandad took us to the river, where we waded, splashed each other, and tried to skip stones.  
• Inside, we had paper and crayons provided by Grandma.  We colored pictures and folded simple origami, which we then incorporated into imaginary play.  
• With Grandad's cards, we played War and Go Fish and Crazy Eights.  
• We told each other "fractured" versions of nursery rhymes and fairy tales, trying to be as funny as possible.

I remember us always having a good time, and it didn't take toys.  It took imagination and collaboration.

Owning fewer toys helps create both of those situations.  Research shows that having fewer toys leads to deeper, more varied play with each toy, more innovation and transformation (that is, turning things that aren't toys, like a box, into something to play with, like a boat, car, stove, doll house, etc.), and better focus and problem-solving – all of which positively impact child development.

What will your child do with fewer toys?  Perhaps find new ways to combine and play with them together.  (Try Tinker Toys plus a couple of pull-back cars.)  They might take care of them better and appreciate them more.  Almost certainly, instead of relying on stuff, they'll rely on themselves.  They'll come to value their imaginations more than their possessions.

How many toys should a child have?  There's no definitive answer to this, of course.  Probably fewer than they have now.  Few enough that they can clean them up independently, but not so few that your space is barren.  Keep toys your kids love, open-ended toys, toys that don't suck batteries.  Change your buying habits and implement a one in, one out rule.

You can avoid that breaking point and do some good for your whole family.

Related article:  Overwhelmed by Toys?  Your Kids Feel Even More Stress than You Do

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The bundle is on sale November 2-8, and features 19 ebooks, printables, and assorted resources from a group of simple living, cozy-hearted creators.  The cost is $25, and would make a lovely gift for a friend, or even for yourself.  Use this link, and I'll earn a small commission on the sale, at no extra cost to you.


Remember, the purchase window for this ends Saturday, November 8.  Use this link for easy access.

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