How to Act Your Way to a New Life

Do you remember any Halloween costumes from your past?  When I was five, my mother dressed me as a cute witch (complete with a wig she made out of gray rug yarn) for the kindergarten costume parade.  I loved that wig, and played with it for a while afterwards.  I also remember being an "old lady" a few years later.  I wore my mother's robe and slippers, she put my hair in curlers and a hair net, and I perched my own old cat-eye glasses on the end of my nose.

When my own daughter was about six, I made her a layered skirt using red and rose sateen bought on sale, tulle, and ribbons.  A plastic tiara completed her princess costume for Halloween that year.  The skirt went into the dress-up box, and became a regular feature of pretend play.  The next year, the skirt reappeared, and along with a colorful head scarf, a tambourine, and a lot of costume jewelry, transformed into a Bohemian costume.

This year, my nearly ten-year-old grandson has plans to dress as a Steampunk-style inventor in dark trousers, a thrifted waistcoat and watch chain (a cheap necklace strategically draped), and one of his dad's lab coats.  The "Steampunk" part will be his thick, dark hair spiked high with pomade, plus geared-up glasses from Amazon.*  Isn't it fun to dress up and act like someone else?

* This blog is reader-supported, with NO ADS.  If you purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission.

We all do it.

Who are you, really?  Who are you when you're not curating your life on social media, or pretending to be enthused at a PTA meeting, even if you would rather be somewhere else?  When you're speaking slowly and carefully, though you feel like shrieking and pounding on something?

Who are you when no one's looking?

I'm definitely not judging you.  I ate three oatmeal chocolate chip cookies the other evening.  By the third, I felt a little over-full, but it still tasted good, so I kept chewing.  Later I was sorry I hadn't stopped at one, the way my husband Jon did.

I don't bake cookies myself.  I don't even keep flour and sugar in my house.  These cookies were from a bakery.  But by eating any of them, let alone three large ones, I was betraying my resolution to cut down on sugar and simple carbohydrates in my diet.  It's why I didn't buy any Halloween candy until today – so it wouldn't be in my house tempting me.

I talk and write about healthy eating, and sing the praises of vegetables and lean protein, but I don't always do a good job of living up to my ideals.  I'm a hypocrite.

Or maybe I'm just a fallible human being slowly trying to improve myself.  The original meaning of the ancient Greek word "hypocrisy" is "acting on the stage, playing a part, pretending."  All of us do it.  We all sometimes feel or think one thing while doing another.  And hypocrisy isn't always bad.

Don't believe me?  Consider these scenarios:

• A young woman carefully applies makeup, dons a new suit, and slips on tasteful jewelry.  Nervousness makes her palms sweat and her mouth feel dry, but she's determined to project intelligence and competence at the interview for her first professional job.

• An intern in a large hospital fights fatigue as he swallows an energy drink and practices smiling in the bathroom mirror before beginning patient rounds.

• A middle-aged woman is dismayed that her father keeps calling her by her dead mother's name, but she continues to hold his hand and listen to his confused mumbles about events long past.

Each of these people is acting a part.  All of them imagine an ideal self which they will try to become.  They'll have varying degrees of success or failure.

We are what we make ourselves.

Thank goodness human personality isn't static or predetermined.  It's changeable and interactive.  We're all actors playing a series of roles.  It's how we create ourselves.

In fact, we may behave differently depending on the people we're with.  I may act one way with my mother-in-law, another with my friends, and still another with my husband.  With some people I might be conscious of wanting to make a good impression; with others I may wish to exert authority.  This just shows the truth of philosopher Colin McGinn's comment that "personality is not a given but a choice, not determined but free...."

In other words, we have the power to transform ourselves.  I have the power to become someone who never eats three big cookies at a time, just as surely as I had the power to become someone who writes every day – a published author with thousands of readers around the world.

But first, I had to imagine that person.  In order to take on new character traits, I had to intentionally become someone else.  It was just like acting.  Author and speaker Mel Robbins explains:

If you want to change your life, just start acting like the person you want to become.  I'm not kidding....  The science behind this is no joke.  It's called "Behavioral Activation Therapy."  Decades of studies show that you can't think your way to a new life, you must act your way there.  The more you ACT like the person you want to become (even when you don't feel like that person yet), the quicker you become them.

The young woman dressing for her interview plans to act like the poised, well-qualified applicant who will be offered a good job.  The tired and overworked intern practices acting like an experienced, reassuring doctor whom patients will trust.  The woman visiting her father acts like they still share a relationship of love and respect, and for her this is true.  Each of these people has an audience and a chosen role, and the longer they play the role, the more perfectly they will portray it, until they are completely transformed.

They're all using imagination and action to create reality.

We can change.

So what does this have to do with minimalism?  Minimalism is the intentional choice to reduce belongings and busyness in order to make room, time, energy, and funds for what really matters to you.  And maybe you aspire to minimalism.  But as you look at your living room, office, kitchen, or playroom, or at your calendar and schedule, what you see today might not look very minimalist.  Maybe you see piles of clutter and too many commitments.  Maybe you can admit to a shopping habit, a social media addiction, or a pattern of procrastination.

But if you can imagine being different, you can become someone else.  Just like I can become a person who rarely eats sweets, you can become someone who isn't buried in clutter, who has a better work/life balance, who doesn't shop for entertainment or to get that little feel-good boost that buying something provides.

It isn't fake to try to become something you're not.  So choose a behavior, and start practicing your new role today.  Put on the actions of the person you're imagining, just as if you were donning a costume.  I will too.

Related article:  One Tip for Success – Pretend You Are Who You Want to Be

Announcing the Candlelight & Comfort Bundle!

I think you'll want this.  If you're at all interested in 

• slow living
• staying cozy at home
• baking
• making homemade soups
• meal planning
• using herbal remedies
• journaling
• writing letters
• spending money with attention and care
• and even more

... you will just love the Candlelight & Comfort Bundle by my friend Kathie Lapcevik (over at homespunseasonalliving.com) and some of her talented and knowledgeable friends.

The bundle is on sale November 2-8, and features 19 ebooks, printables, and assorted resources from a group of simple living, cozy-hearted creators.  The cost is $25, and would make a lovely gift for a friend, or even for yourself.  Use this link, and I'll earn a small commission on the sale, at no extra cost to you.


Remember, the purchase window for this begins Sunday, November 2, and ends Saturday, November 8.  If you click the link early, there are some free downloads available before the sale.

By the way, I think my books Simply Happy and/or Minimalist Hygge would go perfectly with the Candlelight & Comfort Bundle and add a lot to the warmth and practicality.