How to Make Changes for the Better

My oldest grandson just had his 10th birthday.  Double digits!  It's a milestone.  His younger brother lost his first tooth not too long ago.  And the youngest of all is so proud that he's now out of diapers.

Change is the one constant in life.  It's the one thing we can count on.

Some changes are within our choice, such as beginning a new habit, starting a new job, buying a bigger house or downsizing to a smaller one.  Others are out of our control, such as births, illness, aging, or economic booms and downturns.  But even when circumstances are not of our choosing, we still decide how we'll respond and what our attitude will be.

Of course, not all change is progress.  Many people immediately assume that any new technology or social movement must be an improvement, but that's not always the case.  Others assume that new trends or innovations are inevitably bad – which is also untrue.

• A new job can mean more opportunities and higher pay, but it might also mean longer work hours and strained family relationships.

• A new diet can be healthier or less healthy.

• A new workout routine can increase strength and stamina, but it could also become an obsession, or lead to vanity and self-absorption.

• A new way of using money could reduce debt and make generosity possible, or it could lead to more greed and waste.

• A new political regime could promote freedom and fairness, or it could use its power to serve itself and its cronies.

The important question to ask about any change is "Which direction?"  Change is movement, but what are you moving toward?

Another way of phrasing this questions is "Do I like the person I'm becoming as a result of this change?

How to evaluate our choices

How do we know if the changes we've adopted (or our responses to changes outside our control) are positive or not?  How do we know if we're moving in a good direction?

First, we have to slow down long enough to notice the changes.  We have to do more than go along with outside forces (such as whatever is newer, faster, louder, or popular).  And we may have to reconsider our first impulses.

Here are some questions to consider that might help you decide if the changes you're currently experiencing are progress... or not.

1.  Is this change making me more aware, or more distracted?

Many of the changes we accept or even welcome are supposed to make life faster and simpler, but actually make us more dependent and less attentive.  Tech innovations such as AI fall into this category.  If you're less focused, less thoughtful, or less available to the people you care about, maybe you should think again.

2.  Is this change making me more generous or more selfish?

When a change gives you more time, money, and energy for others, when it makes you more grateful, it's probably for the better.  But if it's self-indulgent, you might want to give it a pass.

3.  Is this change making me healthier or less healthy?

This could apply to what we eat, drink, or do in our spare time.  It could apply to how we exercise or who we associate with.  A change that leads to less physical, emotional, or spiritual health isn't serving us.

4.  Is this change taking me closer or further from the person I want to be?

When we look at the direction our changes are taking us, we should ask "If I continue this way, what type of person will I be in a year?  If this continues, will I look more or less like the type of person I admire?"

5.  Are friends excited about this change, or are they warning me against it?

All of us have blind spots.  But when people who want the best for you are concerned about your direction – or when they're encouraging it – you might want to listen.

6.  Is this a change I'll be happy about in the future?

Sometimes short-term gains conceal long-term losses.  It's a good idea to ask if your future self will thank you for making this choice, or wish you had gone a different way.

How to make a change

Once we decide to make a change, we need to remember that it doesn't happen overnight.  Time and repetition are essential to the process.  Even a tiny positive change, consistently applied, can make a big difference.

Here are a few ways to be successful.

1.  Define your direction.

Before you start, define what "better" looks like.  Less distracted, less pushy, less envious, more energetic, more patient, more knowledgeable.  Give yourself a purpose.

2.  Start small.

Grandiose plans often lead to burnout and discouragement.  Choose one simple step – ten minutes of reading, a five minute walk, one thing to be grateful for.

Remember, you aren't just creating a new habit.  You're creating new reflexes.  A small act is easy to repeat until it becomes second nature.

3.  Create hooks and cues.

A hook is a behavior you already do.  So if you want to drink more water, use your habit of washing your hands before or after certain activities as the prelude to drinking a glass of water.  You're more likely to remember to drink every time you wash.

A cue is a visual reminder, such as a note taped to the bathroom mirror, or your current book on the table next to your favorite chair.

4.  Don't just remove – replace.

If you're trying to overcome a bad habit, you'll be more successful if you replace it with a better one.

For example, don't just cut out sweets.  Replace them with something else you like that isn't sugary.  (I eat a sliced apple or banana with a bit of peanut butter in place of baked goods.)  Don't just limit your phone time.  Decide on another behavior you'll practice instead of automatically reaching for your phone when you have to wait somewhere.  (I carry a book of crossword puzzles in my purse.*)

* This blog is reader-supported.  If you buy through my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.  Thank you.

Related article:  How to Make Habits that Stick: A Simple Guide to Change Your Life

Why it matters

Change is a fact of life.  It's going to happen whether we choose it or not.  But small, daily shifts mold our future.  Just try to remember life before smart phones, and you'll see what I'm talking about.  In less than 20 years, they've not only become ubiquitous, but they've changed our behavior, our free time, and our relationships.

Remember that just because you can do a thing doesn't mean you should.  Someone with power, influence, and wealth can dominate others, but he needs to use those assets wisely.  He can become a leader, or he can just be bully.

When changes move us toward health, competence, compassion, and other traits we admire, they're working together for our good.  When they take us future from what matters, they cause us to drift in ways we might not notice until years later.

That's why we need to keep asking "Are the changes I'm making helping me become the person I want to be?"  Instead of letting culture, convenience, or inattention decide for us, we need to be thoughtful and in charge of the direction we're going.  Otherwise, we may end up somewhere we never intended.