What If I'm Happy Not Being a Star?
I'm not perfect. There are many things about me that don't fit our society's idea of "excellent." They don't even fit my own idea of "excellent."
Available now for pre-order... the newest addition to the Minimalist Basics series: A Simpler Christmas: Celebrate a Holiday with More Joy and Less Fuss.*
I'm not thin. I'm not beautiful. I can sing, but I'm not and never have been good enough to make a career of it. When I was young, I thought I had to be a star, but I outgrew that attitude.
I love my husband, but we don't have a fairy tale marriage, and there have always been things we didn't have in common. I love my kids and my grandkids, but I've always needed time for myself. I feel drained by too much socializing, and enjoy spending time alone, so I don't often go out.
I plan to eat healthy, and do it a lot of the time, but I also like pizza and Mexican food and cookies, and I eat them too. I'm a minimalist, but I also appreciate a certain level of comfort, and wouldn't be happy giving up everything.
I'm committed to my faith, but I also have doubts and ways in which I fail to live according to it.
I write because I enjoy it, but I haven't written a best-seller and don't expect to. My blog has thousands of subscribers, but not tens of thousands, and few people know my name.
What if I'm not going to have a huge impact on the world? What if I don't want to compete or push for more? What would happen if I accepted my limitations?
Is it okay to be happy with less?
I know this isn't what we're encouraged or expected to do. We're supposed to hustle, strive, go for more and bigger. No one is supposed to be satisfied with less. We're told, "You're special. Talented. Beautiful, no matter what they say. If you work hard and put your mind to it, you can do anything."
Well... no. That's not always true, and certainly it's impossible for everyone to be "the best." But when you're taught that, and believe it, you start to blame yourself if you don't accomplish what you set out to do. You're aiming for perfection, and if you don't get it, you feel cheated or unworthy. You can't see the progress you made by your efforts. You can't see the meaningful experience you gained. You only see a failed outcome.
Well, I'm not going to praise you or puff you up. I simply hope to encourage you.
You see, it's possible that a good life looks a bit different from what we've been led to believe. You might just be a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend, but the people closest to you know that you care about them, accept them, and root for them.
You might not be a wealthy industry leader, but you do your work faithfully and with integrity. You might not speak before thousands or become a household name, but there are people who know you for what you can do, whatever that is. For example, I can write for you, sing for my church, and read aloud to my grandchildren.
You might not be a model or movie star beautiful, but that lets you focus on something besides your body and what you put on it. You can be happy with a smaller, sustainable wardrobe, fewer beauty products, and low-maintenance hair.
You might make a budget and a meal plan, and then break your own rules. You might be mostly clutter-free, but still have a hot spot or two where things collect. Your home isn't Instagram-perfect, but it's warm and safe and comfortable.
You might not be cut out for the frantic pace of our society, but that makes you more likely to be patient, sensitive, and aware of little details.
You might not start an international aid society, but you do send checks to one, and give a bag of groceries to the local food pantry. You might not win the Nobel Peace Prize, but you do learn your neighbor's name, greet them when you see them, and send over a casserole or a restaurant gift card when you hear they've been in the hospital.
You're not holy, but you're also not holier-than-thou. You long for grace, love, hope, and forgiveness, so you're conscious of offering them to others.
This will have to be enough. This isn't laziness, uselessness, or "settling." Trying to keep up with everyone else can cause you to miss what's right for you. And the constant pursuit of more will leave you unable to enjoy what you've already got.
Why shouldn't we be happy? There are people with far less than we have who are happy. Who says they don't deserve happiness?
What if I accept that mine is a run-of-the-mill life? I'm not a star; I'm just a person, like you. Maybe all I want is a small, simple life. A "good enough" life. Maybe it's not remarkable, but it can still be beautiful.
This is not my old holiday book. It's a new volume full of practical strategies to help you focus on what you value about this season, letting you design a minimalist holiday that celebrates what's most important. Going for the "the best holiday ever" can leave you feeling burned-out by Christmas Day. In fact, it can leave you tired, stressed, dissatisfied, in debt, and fatter. So why not ease off for the sake of more joy? When you trim down a bit and emphasize what you love, you're sure to find the happiness and inspiration you're longing for.
Pre-order the e-book at a reduced price, or wait for the release of the paperback and hardcover versions TOMORROW. Thank you for supporting my work!
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I totally agree with you — it’s just sad that it’s taken me to age 73 to figure this out!!
ReplyDeleteGreat message. I couldn’t agree more!
ReplyDeleteYes!
ReplyDeleteLinda Sand
Such a lovely post! Thank you <3
ReplyDeleteKaren, I look forward to your emails every week, wish we were friends :)
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteThanks for the inspiration to stitch my thoughts together and write this down in my journal.
ReplyDeleteI'll be 80 next year and I'm just now seeing the pattern of my life, and I am joyful. I'm not famous either. I was offered a movie contract at 15 with major studio and a big-name director, turned it down because I knew I was too impressionable to go out into that world. At 18, I was offered an internship at NBC, turned it down. I wasn't ready for NY. I had won awards for acting and for writing, but I didn't know what I wanted. Instead, I got married when my folks moved away and put me in a college dorm a year later. Marriage didn't last but produced two great people that I am so proud of today.
I started finding my Self when I went to work to support the 3 of us and found out that I was resilient and could handle a lot very well. I was offered so many wonderful opportunities by people with whom I worked or knew socially - but was always critically weighing them against how they would impact my time with my children.
I didn't date much after divorce because I still had to find out who I was and what was important to me. But when I did find out 15 years later, all that waiting paid off.
I met the piece of myself that I had been waiting for. He turned out to be the love of my life, and our marriage/life just grew better and richer with the years. Strange thing is that his internal life before meeting me had been much like mine.
And, now as a widow after 5 years of grief and thinking I had lost my happily ever after, I have the most tender and joyful memories. I look back and see that my whole life was much better than I realized. I thought I had wasted a lot of potential and failed at my early life. But I had been coming from a place of lack - lack of self-esteem, lack of self-love, lack of belonging and an inability to see what I had. I just never looked at life through a lens of love until he came into my life. What a gift.
I've begun to think back to people who had supported me and given me love, whom I hadn't recognized throughout my life, and I am humbled by my failure to see it all. I also failed to see what I had given others. Love cracked me open, and it connected me to the world around me. It still does. I am now contented and at peace and awaken each morning with a grateful heart.
My takeaway - Don't pass judgment on yourself or your life too soon, before you have fully lived it. With age comes wisdom, which in my case was the ability to get past being closed to the world and opening myself to what really matters. Look deeply and pray, or wish, each day for healing that you don't know that you need. It will come.
Thank you for sharing your journey and your insights!
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