Maximum Gratitude, Minimal Stuff

Our culture has the wrong idea about happiness.  It seems to say that happiness comes from success – financial, professional, etc.  Achieving more money, more possessions, more travel, a promotion, an athletic record, or even a high GPA or SAT score is supposed to make us happy and satisfied.  Yet more often, meeting one goal seems to spawn two or three more, and we never stop chasing the next high. There's been a lot of research on happiness, especially in the past 20 to 30 years, and what we've learned is that reaching the typical milestones of success doesn't make us happy, at least not for long.  The new house or car, the big raise, even getting into the college of our dreams doesn't make much difference in our overall level of happiness, and can sometimes make us less happy – for example, if the extra costs of a larger house or fancier vehicle outweigh the enjoyment they give, if a promotion makes our work days longer and more stressful, or if the hyper-competi...

For me, Christmas means music, candles, the Christmas Eve service at church, and time with family playing board games or watching the old black and white Miracle on 34th Street .  For you, Christmas might mean your annual ski trip, dressing up to attend the Nutcracker ballet, eating cookies and drinking eggnog, or hanging Christmas lights and decorating the tree.  You want to create the memories and carry on the traditions that mean most to you, but you don't want to feel stressed or anxious while you do it.  This time of year is meant to be joyful, not pressured.  So how can you make things simpler, but keep what matters? 10 ideas for a relaxed and cozy holiday 1.  Begin with deciding what Christmas means to you. Give yourself a focus, and everything will be simpler.  Other things can go by the wayside as long as you accomplish what matters most to you. 2.  Choose a mantra. Make your holiday about one main idea, and remind yourself of it frequently....

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages ?  It's a concept that's been around for more than 30 years, ever since pastor and marriage counselor Gary Chapman wrote a book about it. I'm not going to debunk the idea, since many people have found that it helps them understand and relate to their loved ones.  I do think it's important to note that all of us give and receive love in multiple ways.  Maybe the important takeaway from the Five Love Languages concept is that love is expressed by spending time and paying attention, saying kind and uplifting words, sharing physical closeness, performing acts of service, and – sometimes – giving appropriate gifts. Love is not a transaction. What I have a problem with is the assertion that, for some people, giving and receiving gifts is the main or only way they can express love or feel loved.  I think that idea is ridiculous, and demonstrably untrue.  How many of us have known someone whose parents always showered them with...

We've all been there.  You're rushed, busy, and tired after working all day.  But company's coming, and you're desperate to fix the piles of clutter, unfinished projects, and dusty surfaces.  How do you create a sense of calm – right now – so you can relax and welcome guests? Here are five simple jobs that can soothe your racing mind and tame your messy house. 1.  Start with quick wins. These tasks take just minutes, but have a high impact on the look of your space, and let you feel motivated by what you've accomplished. Collect all trash, then take it out. Collect mail and papers into a basket for later sorting. Load the dishwasher and wipe down kitchen countertops. Hang up scattered re-wearable clothing, and place dirty items in a laundry hamper. Gather potions and grooming tools into a basket for later sorting/decluttering.  Wipe down the bathroom mirror and counter, leaving it clear except for hand soap and a clean towel . Use a natural all-purpose cleaner...

I've been choosing a simpler life for more than 25 years, and I still get caught up in Christmas Chaos.  I still get sucked into comparison thinking.  My husband and I set very clear priorities about gifts, parties, and other activities, and I still find myself vulnerable to ads, sales, and pretty, curated pictures of what other people are buying doing, and creating. So before it all gets ramped up into high gear, I want to think carefully about what I want this season to look and feel like.  It's a wonderful time of year, but it's not the ONLY time of year.  It's not right for us to burn ourselves and our wallets out so that we have no energy or cash for the next several months.  Life continues after December 25th, and we need to have some resources left. A little advance planning about what we want to do – and what we don't want to do – can help us out. 6 suggestions for a slower, simpler holiday 1.  Set limits and priorities. It's good to do this early s...

Nine times out of 10, when I tell people what I write about, they say "I could never be a minimalist."  Or "That would just be too hard."  Or "I could never give up my _____."  Or possibly, "I wouldn't want to limit myself." But here's the truth we hide from:  We're all minimizing something, whether we realize it or not. Every day, we make choices about how we'll spend our time, energy, money, attention, talents, affections, and more.  These important assets are all finite.  Even the richest or most talented person has a limit on his or her time and attention.  No one can have or do everything. So every day, we have to decide how we're going to use these precious resources.  And every choice is a trade-off.  If I say yes to doing or buying or listening to one thing, I have to say no to something else.  If I choose more possessions, I have to give up something else.  If I choose more work, I can't do something else. The cum...