It's Not Too Late to Choose a Better Life
It's true that our choices shape our lives. Choose to gamble, drink excessively, use drugs, or sleep around, and you'll have to live with the consequences – physical, financial, emotional, and more. Choose to eat donuts instead of oatmeal for breakfast, apple pie instead of apples, and French fries instead of a plain baked potato, and those choices are going to add up too. Choose to binge watch, get hooked on video games, or scroll endlessly, and you'll have to deal with the results.
All of that is true, which makes daily choices important. You can't just live as if today is your last day – at least, not if it makes you decide to behave however you want, buy whatever you want, or take whatever silly chances you want. YOLO ("you only live once") is not a good reason to be selfish or make horrible choices.
But it's also true that it's never too late to make new choices. Unless you're on your deathbed, it's not too late to change. You don't have to live with the bad results of bad choices forever. Whether you're 26, 36, 66, or older, you can let go of things you'll regret later (or that you regret now).
Some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. But life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
Chris Rock
9 habits you might regret when you're older if you don't change now
1. Trying to win every argument
Back in the day, my brother and I used to argue all the time. Both of us had a strong desire to be right, so neither of us would back down in an argument. We always had to have the last word, which meant that arguments got long and heated.
I finally figured out that being right wasn't worth it if it meant that I was always angry, self-righteous, and on the outs with people I love. I still state my opinion, if I have one, but I usually stop trying to convince someone who disagrees. When others are committed to their point of view, and I'm committed to mine, it's just not worth the time and angst to try to argue them into my way of thinking. "Winning" is less valuable than being connected.
You can disagree without being disagreeable.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
2. Working too hard
Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, talks about the most common regrets shared by her patients in palliative care. One of these is working too hard. She writes, "By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities."
If you tend to overdo it at work, putting in long hours and going above and beyond, or staying up late to get more done, just remember this: Doing more doesn't make you a better person, it just makes you tired, short on energy and patience, and less available to the people you say you care about.
3. Spending so much time on your phone
The time we spend on our phones gets in the way of creativity, connection, focus, gratitude, sleep, and more. Studies show that we're spending an average of more than 4 hours every day on our phones. That adds up to more than one day per week, or over 60 days per year. That's two months, my friends. Two months spent scrolling, clicking, comparing, shopping, gaming, being influenced, and retreating from real life.
Take some simple steps to reduce this habit, or someday you may regret the relationships you sidelined, the projects you never attempted, the world you never saw, and your inability to pay attention to anything for very long.
Related article: How to See What You're Missing
4. Saying yes when you want to say no
It's never rude to say "No, thank you," even if you aren't busy with something else. You can say no to an event that sounds awful. You can say no when you need to rest or take care of yourself. You can say no when your heart just isn't in it.
If you don't learn to say no, you'll regret all of the times you couldn't say yes when you really wanted to because you didn't have the time or energy to do so. As blogger Courtney Carver reminds us, "If you don't have time for what matters, stop doing things that don't."
5. Listening to negative self-talk
We say things to ourselves that we'd never say to anyone else, and would never tolerate hearing from anyone else. My inner critic added to my stress and anxiety for years, magnifying worries and destroying my confidence and hope. It turned small problems into big ones, and overlooked or played down all that was positive or praiseworthy. I don't know about you, but telling myself I'm crappy at something has never made me better at whatever it is.
The next time your inner critic pipes up, acknowledge the thought and refuse to accept it. Speak to yourself as you would to a friend, reminding yourself of your strengths, your ability to grow and learn, and the things you've accomplished so far. Keep doing this, and eventually that nasty voice won't show up so often.
6. Giving up on your dreams
When my daughter was small, she always planned to become an author someday. She studied early childhood education and English in college, with the goal of being a teacher. She's put both of those things on hold to stay at home with her three children, but recently my youngest grandson, Liam, started preschool. Three mornings a week, Elizabeth has been writing – stories for her kids, poetry, journal entries, and some fan fiction.
I know from experience that even the tiniest writing habit can lead to being a published author. So I'll say this: If you have a dream, don't give up on it because it seems too big or out of reach. Ask yourself, "What will it take to make this dream a reality?" List tiny steps you can begin to take right now that will move you in the right direction. It doesn't matter how tiny the steps are as long as you don't stop taking them.
7. Hanging on to aspirational items
This is the flip side to #6. Aspirational items are both physical belongings and dreams and goals that no longer resonate with you. Why is it important for you to let go of things you bought for a life you thought you wanted but no longer do? Because those things hold you back, make you feel guilty, make you feel like a failure or a quitter, and don't help you discover who you are and what you care about now.
Whether you own books on topics that no longer interest you, supplies for hobbies you haven't pursued in years and don't see yourself returning to, or clothes for a career you've decided to opt out of, those things distract you from the life you have now. Let go and move on.
8. Worrying about what others think
This is a habit we develop when we're young, especially in adolescence and early adulthood. Worrying about what others think can be a big part of why we live where we live, drive what we drive, and wear what we wear. It can determine what we watch and listen to, and how we spend our time. It can even influence our choice of career, who we marry, and how we raise our children.
For example, when I first started dressing with a minimalist wardrobe, I was worried about what people might say when they observed me wearing the same or similar pieces over and over. But guess what? Almost no one noticed. When I figured out that people weren't thinking about me or judging me as much as I had imagined, I could finally do what was best for me, without worrying about other people's opinions or expectations. I grew up.
Letting go of what others think allows you to trust and listen to yourself, and helps you create a life that's right for you.
9. Holding a grudge
Maybe you've heard the saying, "Harboring resentment is like taking poison and hoping it will hurt the other person." Remembering past wrongs, keeping track of grievances, and feeding anger hurts you. Maybe you can't just forgive and forget, but you don't have to continue harming yourself. The past is something we have no control over, but our response to it, and our decision to heal and move on, is within our power.
Don't stay locked in the cage of resentment. You'll regret not freeing yourself and losing out on hope and the possibility of reconciliation.
If not now, when?
You may see yourself in some of these nine habits. I know that some of them apply to me. If you do, be open and willing to consider the things that aren't serving you. Perhaps the new awareness and some small changes will allow you to enjoy your life more now, with less to regret later.
I've given several copies of Simply Happy as gifts, and people always appreciate them. It would make a great stocking stuffer... just sayin'.
* When you buy through my links, I may earn a small commission which helps meet the costs of maintaining this blog.
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